Compromise for Halloween

Dear Dr. Blackstone: My ex insists on some sort of Halloween trick-or-treating with the kids, but with COVID looming I think we must be cautious. They are scheduled to be with me on the 31st. We are now butting heads and normally, I would find a way for them to see each other, but with COVID, I don’t think the kids should go house-tohouse. My ex says he’s missing out on a holiday and is being very uncooperative.

Dear Reader: This is a perfect example of where two people have backed themselves into a corner and it’s either my way or no way — and if you both calm down, forget about your own self interests, and look for the compromise, a solution can be found.

First, I’d like to address your ex’s feeling of missing out on time with the kids. That way of thinking comes from a “your time/my time” mentality and it appears you both think of time with the kids in that manner — your ex is just more vocal because he feels like the underdog right now.

The truth is, it’s not your time or dad’s time with the kids, it’s the kids’ time with you. They are each only one person splitting their time, and it’s your job to rearrange your schedules to compensate for the fact that they have to go back and forth between the two of you.

That said, nothing is ever written in stone. Figure out a way to celebrate without putting the kids or others at risk.

Have you ever heard of a progressive dinner? Each course is at a different friend or family members home? So, put your heads together and figure out a progressive Halloween — cookie making and pumpkin carving at mom’s, then go to dad’s for a homemade haunted house. Stop at grandma and grandpa’s if they live nearby and it’s not putting them at danger.