Seeking equal custody of kids

Dear Dr. Blackstone: All I want is to be part of my daughter’s life 50/50, but every time we go to court they just ask her stepmom, who is her attorney, and my ex-spouse, and both say no, so nothing different happens. What’s good ex-etiquette?

Dear Reader: As clarification for my readers who may not be familiar with the terminology, 50/50 refers to equal custody of your child after a breakup. However, there are two components to equal custody.

The first is equal time with your child, or physical custody.

The second is the right to legally make a decision for your child, or joint legal custody.

Operating from the premise that a child deserves time with both parents, then if additional time is denied, there is usually a reason. The reason could be based on many things — even something as simple as where you live.

For example, prior to the pandemic when most kids physically went to school, if you lived an hour away from your daughter’s school, many family law judges, on the advice of child based professionals, felt that it was/is a hardship for a child to have to sit in a car for an hour to and from school, so primary custody might be given to the parent living closest to school.

If history has demonstrated that you cannot problem solve in your child’s best interest, I’ve seen the powers that be give primary decision making to just one parent, but that happens in only the most contentious cases.

The court may feel a custody evaluation is appropriate. At the very least, co-parenting counseling may be in order to help you and your ex learn to problem solve and come to a more equitable sharing of your child’s time. It’s all about putting your child first. Because that’s good exetiquette.