Invite ex to the wedding?

Dear Dr. Blackstone: My fiancee wants to invite her child’s godfather to our wedding. Problem is her child’s godfather is also her ex. I can tell it’s the child that keeps them in contact. What’s good ex-etiquette?

Dear Reader: As I have said before, good ex-etiquette is based on good behavior after a break-up. The easiest way to ensure that good behavior is to base your decisions on the children involved.

All sorts of new relationships are formed when you share your life with someone who has children.

A child’s godparent who is also an ex is another unexpected relationship. That’s why it’s up to you and your new soon-to-be-wife to create the life you both want and reinforce the new relationships that work for your family.

Truthfully, it’s not that uncommon to see an ex added to the guest list. In your particular case I think the final determiner might simply be history and how the relationship has evolved to this point. I don’t know how your bonus daughter’s godparent fits into the scenario, but if he continues to serve as a godparent should, he very well could be the comfort the child needs during something as big as her mother getting married.

So, is it bad ex-etiquette if he attends? Although not a normal godparent responsibility, if his presence truly bothers you then that should be communicated to your fiancee in no uncertain terms. But, you said in your opening question that you can tell your fiancee’s relationship continues with him because of the child. If a child is put first, and his presence is a comfort to the child, then his presence is appropriate. Now its up to you to weigh what is the most important. That’s good ex-etiquette.