Daughter in distress needs mom

She needs you. Stop judging her for the way she is living.

Dear Annie: I am heartbroken about our 33-year-old daughter. She has never been a responsible person. We paid for her to go to college. We bought her a car. She totaled the car and had no qualms about asking us to replace it.

Her college years were spent using drugs and having many different sex partners. Miraculously, she graduated with a good GPA.

She has never kept a job for more than three months. We paid her rent for a while. Then she wanted to move back home. Rather than move her into our house, we renovated a cabin that is on our property.

She went from job to job. Eventually, she managed to get on disability. She still frequently asked for financial help.

She eventually was able to get low-cost housing in a city 50 miles away. She also got her “dream job,” but she quit after three months.

Over the past year, I have had multiple surgeries and am in constant pain. I still work online. She has not called to check on my health. She will not answer my calls. She will not answer my texts. She does communicate with her brother. She promised to join us for Thanksgiving but did not show up and has not talked to us since.

If we did anything wrong with raising her, it was to give her too much. Now she has completely abandoned her father and me. She indicated to our son that she is more angry with me. But she will not say what she is angry about.

I have heard that she has a boyfriend. All I can guess is that she is using him for money, and that is all she has wanted for years.

How can I emotionally survive this abandonment? — Heartbroken Mom

Dear Heartbroken Mom:

Cut yourself some slack. As a parent, you tried the best you could. Yes, you are right that you have given her a little too much.

But the bigger issue might be that she has a drug problem, not just an entitlement problem. If so, she needs help, but she is an adult now, so how do you do that? The best way is to tell her you love her and be there for her emotionally but not financially. She needs you. Stop judging her for the way she is living. Accept the person she is, and love her, but don’t give her money.

Dear Annie: Sometimes, marriages don’t last, and the rings remain unseen for years. Why not sell the rings and give the proceeds to charity? This act turns our relics of disappointment into hope for others. Diamonds and gold can be transformed for good. It was a positive step for me, and I recommend it. — Sharing Hope

Dear Sharing Hope: What a wonderful suggestion. I hope your suggestion encourages others to turn a difficult situation into something positive that can hopefully bring some joy to others in the world. Now more than ever, it is important that we are kind to one another and give people the benefit of the doubt.