Umbrella usurper’s actions presumptuous and menacing

Dear Miss Manners: I came out of work in a heavy rainstorm. As I walked to my car, a man who works at the same place, but whom I barely know, came up behind me, put his hand on my umbrella and pulled it toward him. At that point it was half on me and half on him.

I wanted to tell him off or pull it away from him, but since he works near me, all I said was that I was getting soaked. He ignored me and did not take his hand off the umbrella. We walked all the way to the cars and I was pretty much drenched.

Miss Manners, am I obligated to let someone share my umbrella? If not, what should I have done or said?

Gentle reader: Under normal circumstances, it is a kind gesture to share one’s umbrella with acquaintances who would otherwise be drenched. The general rule is that the taller person holds it, giving coverage priority to the owner.

However, Miss Manners is afraid that what this man did was not only presumptuous, but also somewhat menacing. Startling people by taking even partial possession of their belongings is normally considered illegal, and at the very least, it is certainly not civil. Not wanting to reward this man, but feeling the need to emphasize the point, Miss Manners suggests that you bring him a present: his own cheap umbrella. The accompanying message could be, “So that we don’t both get soaked next time, perhaps you would like to keep this at work.” She would understand if you chose to leave this as a note, however, rather than say it in person.

Dear Miss Manners: I have noticed that many female TV anchors and reporters wear skimpy outfits that would be more appropriate at the beach. Men always dress in proper outfits, while many women wear sleeveless tops that do not look professional. Why are women allowed to do this?

Gentle reader: “Allowed”?

Miss Manners has also noticed the gender discrepancy in clothing styles among male and female newscasters. But she hardly thinks that working journalists are insisting upon wearing frivolous clothes on the job.

You might consider the possibility that someone in the station or network hierarchy has decreed that female broadcasters should look flirty — like flight attendants, back when they were called stewardesses.

If we go even further back, broadcasters used to wear evening clothes at night — even radio broadcasters. Formality, if anyone remembers that once-respectable concept, was intended to signify seriousness, not playfulness. (Anyway, those broadcasters were all male, so titillation was not an issue.)

To get back to the present: Sleevelessness at the anchor desk doesn’t seem as incongruous as party clothes. Plunging necklines and dangling earrings may be fetching on the social scene, but that is hardly the context in which one expects people to be announcing mass shootings and raging fires.

Dear Miss Manners: I am hoping you could settle a minor matter regarding the proper way of drinking tea.

When one is holding a teacup, is it proper to relax your fingers while holding the cup handle, or should you raise your pinkie finger in a curled position? I was told that the latter was pretentious.

I therefore simply hold the handle between my thumb and forefinger and relax the other three digits next to them. Would the queen approve?

Gentle reader: If you are referring to the queen of England, let us not bother her. She has enough family troubles.

The raised pinkie was a precaution when tea-drinking first spread to Europe from China, because it was drunk from thin Chinese handle-less cups that held the heat and therefore needed to be gripped with as few fingers as possible.

Tea was extremely expensive then — silver tea caddies came with locks — so the gesture became associated with the rich. And pretentiousness has always been associated with the rich, although Miss Manners has also noticed examples elsewhere.

When tea came down in price, and some genius thought of putting handles on teacups, the pinkie gesture became obsolete. But to Miss Manners’ amusement, the gesture has lasted for centuries as a sign of how ridiculous the rich are.

To send a question to the Miss Manners team of Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin, go to missmanners. com or write them c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.