Sister wants a baby with married lover
Adapted from an online discussion.
Dear Carolyn: My sister and I have always been very close, but our relationship has gotten complicated. She’s become very involved with a married man, and it includes every single trope you can think of. He’s being mistreated by his wife. He’s only staying in it for the kids. He’s going to leave any minute, once he can figure out the logistics. It’s very important that my sister stay in the shadows so as to not jeopardize his (eventual) divorce. Blah blah blah! They’re all what a guy would say if he just wanted to screw around and had no intention of leaving his family.
Anyway, she got pregnant earlier this year, and I was quite devastated for her, but she seemed really happy about it. Then she miscarried. I think she dodged a tremendous bullet, but she is devastated. She has shared with me that she’s going to try to get pregnant again, and reading between the lines I am almost certain her “boyfriend” has no idea.
I know his name and where he works. Do I tell him his side piece is about to potentially ruin her own life and his? Or do I stay out of it because Sis is a legal adult, even if she’s not acting like one? — Complicated
Oh my goodness stay out of it. Way, way out.
She’s not ruining anything without his help.
That she wants this awful entanglement might be your sister’s problem in itself, or a symptom of her much bigger problems. I’m guessing the latter. If that sounds right, then please focus on that bigger thing and not the marriedman
Dear Complicated:
thing. It’s really hard but it can also be clarifying, and more helpful than yelling, “What the hell are you doing?!”
Hello Carolyn: My son and his wife are hoarders. They won’t throw anything away. (They do have a compost bin.)
The small yard is an embarrassment. Every surface in their home is covered, every cabinet and bookshelf chock full. The unopened mail is in a pile. I don’t think they’ve cleaned the fridge in eight years.
I am so worried. I want to buy them fire extinguishers for every room.
As I see it, my daughterin-law has undiagnosed OCD — she jokes about it sometimes. My son acquiesces to her to avoid arguments.
I hate visiting them, but I love them so much! There’s nothing I can do — is there? — Silently Screaming Mom
Dear Silently Screaming Mom:
I am sorry. It is just so painful to be a bystander sometimes. Please call the help line at the National Alliance on Mental Illness, 800-9506264. Guiding individuals with mental health issues, and their families, is what NAMI does.
Readers’ thoughts:
If there are kids and the house is unsafe, call CPS. No kid should be in an unsafe house, be it fire hazard or with trash attracting vermin.
If there are pets not being cared for properly, call the local Humane Society.