Caregivers should find support for themselves too
During the holidays, everyone prepares and puts in their order of sweet potato pie to my mother. She typically uses no recipe measurements, so if you don’t watch her in action, you never know how much butter, nutmeg, cinnamon, and vanilla go into her award-winning sweet potato pies.
This year there was no pie. My mother no longer remembers the ingredients and I didn’t write them down to successfully recreate her recipe. Like millions of Americans because of unforeseen circumstances, I’m now a caregiver, someone who takes care of another who has trouble managing day-to-day tasks due to illness, injury or disability. Approximately 90% of caregivers receive no financial support to assist with care and live within their homes and communities.
As the oldest in the family, I was thrust into the role of my mom’s primary caregiver. The challenges come from learning the language used, understanding the condition, dealing with insurance and medication, finding money to pay for services, and securing additional support by opening our home so I can do ordinary things like go get groceries or get my hair done.
Being a full-time caregiver can be overwhelming. All the while working full-time and recently completing graduate school, the responsibility of being a fulltime caregiver has many ups and downs. Some of the time spent with mom is creating memories for me and doing anything she wants, such as taking a ride in the country and letting the sun kiss our faces; there are days when she doesn’t want to leave the room and we stay there with the blinds closed, detached from the rest of the world.
Sometimes family members and friends are emotionally and physically unavailable to assist. However, the desire to show up in some way is personal. There is no judgment for those who may walk away from an overwhelming situation as each one is different. I consider it an honor and an act of love to show up in her most vulnerable moment and serve her to the best of my ability.
Life has become complicated because of the balancing act of priorities. Implementing some best practices for self-care is critical for our sanity. The research points out that self-care is a priority for caregivers. Here are a few tips recommended:
1. Stay connected to your support system (family, friends, support group, network).
2. Keep up with your own health needs (healthy diet, check-ups).
3. Keep stress down (relaxation, meditation, exercise, yoga, journaling, respite).
4. Participate in counseling (address grief, loss, and stress).
5. Maintain spirituality.
A friend encouraged me to expand my support system by reaching out to The Binti Circle. The opportunity to connect with them began through Zoom and last month by attending an in-person retreat for caregivers. I tried not to feel guilty for leaving, but I needed a reprieve from everything.
The platform for discussions, activities and bonding was perfect. We keep each other up to date on our loved ones at any time because we are all over the country. We ask each other questions and share resources. The group is non-judgmental and safe, even sharing frustrations. My ability to connect with these women has created friends for life.
Here are a few other recommendations for connecting for information, services, and support:
AARP: 1-888-687-2277 and aarp. org
Caregiver.org: 1-800-445-8106 and caregiver.org
Caregiveraction.org: 1-202-4543970 and caregiveraction.org
Eldercare Locator: 1-800-6771116 and eldercare.acl.gov
Heycaregiver: heycaregiver. com/binti-circle
Help Guide: helpguide.org National Institute on Aging: 1-800-222-2225 and nia.nih.gov/ health/topics/family-caregivers
Caregiving is meant to be done as a community so find your support system. Remember you are not alone. Seek opportunities to take care of yourself too.