Dispelling myths about suicide can help save lives
I got the call early Thanksgiving morning.
“Jackson is dead.”
What?! Waves of shock and confusion engulfed me as I rattled off a barrage of questions.
When? Sometime in the night. How? He hung himself from his bunk bed.
Why? Silence.
Jackson was my nephew. He was 12 years old and in the seventh grade at Smithfield Middle School.
Jackson was a good kid. He was a straight-A student whose intelligence raised eyebrows and dropped jaws. He excelled in Scouts, eager to achieve the rank of Eagle. He played on the baseball team, proud of two undefeated seasons. He had loving friends and a supportive family. Sure, he did the occasional silly (and stupid) things that preteens are known to do. And yes, he was diagnosed with and being treated for ADHD. But there were no indications that Jackson would kill himself.
Why, Jackson, why?
At first, Jackson’s parents, my brother and sister-in law, questioned themselves: “Why didn’t we see this coming?” And then they blamed themselves: “Maybe we should have done this or not done that.” But then they realized there was no benefit in questions or blame. Their son was gone. There was nothing they could do to bring him back.
As my family shared the news about Jackson’s suicide, we took comfort in learning we were not alone in our grief. Our open conversation cast aside the stigma of suicide, enabling folks to freely share their experiences. “My sister killed herself when we were kids,” one person said. “My 9-yearold son attempted suicide,” said another.
I commend my brother and sister-in-law for being open about Jackson’s death. So many families choose not to share the manner of death when a loved one dies by suicide. I understand and respect this decision; suicide brings with it shame and other uncomfortable feelings. But by keeping mum, we’re not only casting a shade of stigma over suicide, we’re firmly holding that shade in place, preventing any light from ever breaking through.
In 2020, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported that suicide was the second leading cause of death among children ages 10-14. Between 2007 and 2018, the rate of suicide for individuals aged 10-24 increased by nearly 60%.
Suicide rates have escalated even further in recent years as everyday stresses have been magnified by the isolation of the pandemic, the troubled economy, divisive politics and climate change catastrophes. Children are not immune to these stresses. They feel it from their parents, from the media, from everything around them. Kids have their own stresses, too. They deal with bullying made multiple times more harmful by its cyber delivery. They encounter forms of social media that are downright toxic — TikTok’s “blackout challenge” comes to mind.
Myth: Only certain types of people become suicidal. Fact: Everyone has the potential for suicide.
Myth: Talking about suicide encourages suicide attempts. Fact: Talking about suicide provides individuals an opportunity to talk about their troubles and an avenue for seeking help.
Myth: People who are suicidal want to die. Fact: People who are suicidal typically do not want to die; they just want the situation they are in or the pain they are experiencing to go away.
Suicide is a national crisis, and we are doing a disservice by hiding our emotional distress. Let’s normalize discussions about mental health and suicide. Ask someone, “How are you really doing?” When they answer, listen deeply. When someone needs help, join them in calling or texting 988, the nationwide Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, where trained counselors are available to assist anyone experiencing a suicidal, substance use, and/or mental health crisis. And by all means, when you yourself need assistance or a listening ear, ask for help. Together we can shine light on the darkness.