Impatient with pal’s ingratitude

Dear Annie: I am struggling with what to do about one of my very best friends who is basically family to me at this point. Throughout our friendship, I have noticed that she does not say “thank you” very often. This includes when a gift is given to her or even when a customer purchases something in person from her small business.

When I have sent her stuff in the past, oftentimes I would have to reach out to see if she even received it. When she got married, she did not send thank-you notes to any of her guests. She did not have the best upbringing, and I always wondered if her parents never taught her the importance of saying “thank you.”

When I was a kid, my mom always made me send thank-you notes when I received birthday gifts or Christmas gifts. This year, I sent her young daughter a gift card for Christmas. When I didn’t hear from her a couple weeks after I mailed it, I reached out to be sure that they had received it. She told me they did and told me what they purchased with it, but she still never even said “thank you.” This time has really rubbed me the wrong way, as I don’t understand how someone doesn’t say “thank you” at that point.

It makes me wonder if I should even send anything to them anymore at all. What advice do you have for me in how to handle this? Do I say something to her? If so, how? Do I stop sending things, or do I just let it go? If this ever gets published, parents, please teach your kids the importance of saying “thank you,” whether it be through a card, text message or phone call. No matter if it’s something large or small, someone took the time to think of you, so you can take the time to acknowledge that. — Thank You Goes a Long Way

Dear Thank You: Try not to judge your friend too harshly. You say that this time rubs you the wrong way, and you don’t understand how someone cannot say “thank you,” but you acknowledge that you had a wonderful mom who taught you the importance of saying “thank you” for a gift, and your friend did not. She was dealt a different hand in childhood and was never made aware of the importance of saying “thank you.”

You said that your friend is like family to you, so treat her as such. Be a friend and tell her exactly how important saying “thank you” is to you. My guess is that she is not doing this intentionally at all. When we know better, we do better.

What a wonderful friend you could be to her by pointing out a great habit that your mom pointed out to you all those years ago. Hopefully, she can pass that advice along to her daughters and they will break the cycle of ingratitude and pick up a wonderful habit — all because you passed on your mother’s good teachings.

So as not to offend her after you tell her about the importance of thank-you notes, is there is anything that you do that bothers her? Think of something she might have mentioned, and tell her you are working to improve. That way, you are both acting like mature adults trying to better yourselves.