Connecting in the age of COVID-19
I am in my 70s and have seven grandchildren who I love very much. My 4-year-old granddaughter does not want to hug me, and I’m not sure what to do about it. I think I know the cause, which started when she was 2 and the whole world was coping with the pandemic.
When I would see her when she was 2 and 3 years old, we could not hug because everyone was saying, “keep your distance” because of COVID-19. So we would do “air hugs” and “bear hugs,” which meant that I would open my arms as if I were about to hug her, but instead I would hug the air. I doubt if she understood why I didn’t hug her.
Now when I see her, if I put my arms out for a hug, she shakes her head no and hides behind a couch or something like that. She is definitely letting me know that she doesn’t want to hug.
I have told my son and daughter-in-law about this and said that it was those early experiences during the pandemic that reinforced the message of “don’t touch.” They say I’m probably right, but I don’t want to understand the problem; I want my little granddaughter to hug her grandpa! My daughter-inlaw says that the more I see her, the more comfortable she will be with me and the more likely we can hug as time goes on. What do you think? — Feeling Isolated
Dear Feeling Isolated:
Despite how you signed your letter, you are by no means alone. Millions of people were told not to touch for two years, and we do not know the longterm consequences of this. I suspect there will be studies down the road addressing this issue. In the meantime, listen to your daughter-in-law and spend as much time as possible with your granddaughter — and with all of your grandchildren.
I feel disconnected from a society in which many people are disconnected. I see parents looking at their phones when they should be giving their children their undivided attention. They think they are not disconnected because they have 500 “friends” or 1,000 “followers,” but most people have few real, meaningful connections with close friends and family members. Our children should not be competing with a bunch of strangers for our attention.
If you put away the phone, they will remember it, and that gesture will mean the world to them. And, while you may not know what is trending on TikTok, you will know your children. You will have conversations and connections with them that phone-obsessed parents don’t have with their children.
If the kids are young, may I suggest that they get flip phones instead of phones with internet and social media? If I had anything to do over, it would be not giving my daughter a smartphone until she was at least 15 or 16. It changes us all, and not for the better. — Missing the Old Days
Dear Annie: Dear Missing the Old Days:
Thank you for your warning, which is a good one. Many of us are more addicted to our smartphones than is healthy, and we are just now discovering the number of negative consequences. We learn even more as the years pass.