Nosy neighbor watching yard work makes it uncomfortable
Dear Miss Manners: I moved into a house about three years ago. Late one evening, a male neighbor came over and cut my grass.
Not expecting this, I gave him what little cash I had on hand, plus some refreshments. A few weeks later, I took a selection of holiday treats to his wife.
Afterwards, the man began to come outside every time I worked in my yard. He’d sit and watch, walk to the end of the yard or driveway and even get into the car for a better view.
He never spoke or greeted me when we made eye contact, which was weird and uncomfortable for me.
I tried to ignore it — until he approached one day when I was bent over with my back to the street. I turned and suddenly he was there without a word, so I yelped in surprise.
He left so quickly that I didn’t see him go. I was shaken and decided that it was time to have a discussion about his behavior. I changed clothes and went across the street to speak with him.
I asked what he’d come over for. He said that he wanted to tell me that I was working too hard, cutting hedges with a clipper instead of a trimmer. I said that working in my yard doesn’t bother me. I asked why he watches me so much and also mentioned that he doesn’t speak.
He replied by saying that he is nosy, wants to see what I’m up to and concluded with, “I guess
I could wave or mind my own business.”
I asked him to mind his own business and told him that he had been making me feel uncomfortable. Was I rude for this?
Gentle reader: Well, it was a lot more polite than calling the authorities — which, Miss Manners assures you, would have been a valid alternative if this behavior had continued.
Dear Miss Manners: I recently had a falling-out with “Terrence,” whom I’ve known for a long time.
Normally, I wouldn’t mention the dispute to anyone else, but I’m pretty sure Terrence has been invited to a mutual friend’s wedding, which I’ll be attending with my wife. There’s a good chance we will be seated at the same table, which would be awkward.
May I contact the mutual friend and request that, if possible, she seat Terrence and me at different tables? I don’t want to drag her into this, and I recognize she has a lot on her plate, but it might be an easy thing to accomplish.
Gentle reader: Yes, but you also do not want the mutual friend reporting back to Terrence that you requested the change. Are there other friends with whom you can request to be seated without causing suspicion?
As long as you tread carefully and respectfully, Miss Manners will allow asking: “I’m sure that you’ve already put a lot of thought into your seating plan, but it would be wonderful to catch up with the Waltons. Do you have us all seated anywhere yet?”
If it is indeed too late and you find yourself seated next to Terrence, perhaps you can find a subtle way of moving your chair by saying, “We see one another all the time; do you mind switching seats? Hi, my name is ...”
Dear Miss Manners: I am an attorney for whom writing was a well-honed craft for 30 years. I am now retired and enjoy commenting on stories in the newspapers.
My comments are not shoot-from-the-hip affairs. Rather, I carefully craft and refine them to make sure they are insightful, pithy and have the perfect comedic ratio. I place a premium on economy and cleverness.
So it chaps my proverbial hide when people reply to my comments in ways that not only do not enhance or improve but, by their pedestrian nature, actually detract from the feng shui of my thoughtfully crafted comment.
I am tempted to respond, “If you don’t have anything clever to say, don’t say anything at all.” What do you think?
Gentle reader: You will forgive Miss Manners for smiling sadly at the idea that you or she can reform public discourse.
The ability to criticize others instantly and anonymously does not bring out the best in the public. So perhaps that is not the place to look for careful writing or thought.
Still, she admires your setting an example, and only quarrels with your temptation to snap back. Isn’t facile public taunting what you oppose?