Trying therapy, feeling blocked

Editor’s note: The following column previously published in 2020.

I’ve been seeing a therapist for around five years, and I find myself unsure what to say. My wife first encouraged me to speak with a professional to help me better understand myself and deal with some buried anger. I have difficulty sharing my thoughts and emotions, and this can make therapy difficult. I’ve realized this is a common theme throughout my life, as nobody in my childhood ever tried to engage emotionally with me.

I do understand that the therapist is there to help me and I should open up to her, but I can’t. She believes I never learned to express my anger, so I suppress it and move on. I can understand this, and yet I can’t seem to change.

You frequently encourage your readers to seek professional help. How does one maximize the value of this help when they can’t seem to open up? — Unable to Open Up

Dear Annie: Dear Unable to Open Up:

Therapy is a process to better understand ourselves: what built us and how we can learn to improve our lives. Just by seeing a therapist, you must be interested in improving yourself, and that is commendable. Based on the realization you’ve had about yourself and how you were raised, it seems you’ve been making progress. Recognize these little steps, celebrate and focus on building on them. Each session, try discussing a thought or action that you experienced from the last week and how it made you feel. These insights into your thoughts will help a therapist better understand you and lead to insightful conversations.

I’m responding to “Confused” who is frustrated with her mother’s constant plea to call when she arrives home. When I was leaving my mother’s house, she would ask me several times to call her to let her know I arrived home safely. I called, even when it wasn’t convenient. I could hear the relief in her voice when she picked up the phone. It was a brief exchange with reassurances that all was well, so I guess I got something out of it as well. As annoying as it can be, there is comfort in knowing there is someone out there who cares deeply for you. My mother is gone now, and I miss that sweet request. — Missing My Mom

Dear Annie:

Iamso sorry for your loss. Thank you for offering a beautiful perspective.

Dear Missing Mom:

This is in regard to listening to audiobooks to relieve stress. I am a retired mail carrier, and I listened to audiobooks for years to relieve the stress that my job could give me. Now that I am retired, I still listen to audiobooks while doing housework, yardwork and gardening, etc.

I discovered libraries carry Playaways, which are full audiobooks on small media player devices smaller than a flip phone. The one thing I truly love about these Playaways is I have listened to books I would never have picked to read on my own. — Retired and Happy Carrier

Dear Annie:

That’s a great reminder for readers to check out their local libraries for Playaways and other helpful devices.

Dear Happy Carrier:

Send questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@ creators.com