Daily Press (Sunday)

Is it OK to decline a shower invite?

- Send questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@ creators.com

You have no control over people who are inconsider­ate, but you can control your reaction to them.

I received an invitation to a wedding shower for my cousin’s child’s wedding. I do not know her child, nor do I know the fiance, but I love my cousin, so I sent a very nice gift from their registry and shipped it to their home.

I am now invited to a baby shower for the same kids who live several states away, so it will be a videoconfe­rence baby shower.

My problem is twofold: No. 1: I still do not know the people well; No. 2: I never heard a word about the wedding shower gift. Not a thank you, not even a mention that it had arrived safely.

How do I say no thanks? I don’t believe a thank you is too much to ask, but I also know I am not of the same generation. Do I not have a right, at the very least, to know that my gift arrived? — Feeling Taken Advantage Of

Dear Feeling Taken Advantage Of:

The best way to say no thanks is to say no thanks. Don’t attend events that don’t spark joy and make you feel good. Yes, you are correct that a thank you is not too much to ask for, and they didn’t say thank you. Those are the facts that we are dealing with. You have no control over people who are inconsider­ate, but you can control your reaction to them. If you would like not to attend the baby shower, then don’t attend.

Dear Annie: This is to offer a suggestion to the sweet grandmothe­r who was sad because she felt that her gift of clothes to her new grandchild was not appreciate­d. My suggestion is that her granddaugh­ter might have already outgrown the newborn size when she was born, depending on her birth weight. All “newborn”sized clothes do not always fit newborn babies.

The baby’s mother might have wanted to spare this grandmothe­r’s feelings by not telling her this after she lovingly had purchased all the gifts.

We received so many new clothes because we were having boy/girl twins. Our family loved to dress them in coordinati­ng outfits. Unfortunat­ely, the twins were born two months early and spent lots of time in the hospital. When they got out of the hospital, they were still not big enough for the “newborn” clothes and because the clothes were “seasonal,” the children’s growth no longer coincided with the clothes. We donated quite a few outfits that had never been used.

You might want to suggest to your readers to send soft day gowns instead of clothes anyway. They are used more than anything, and they are much more versatile to accommodat­e changes in weight and growth. — Sad Grandma

Dear Sad Grandma:

Thank you for this helpful suggestion to alter Grandma’s perspectiv­e. You never know with clothing sizes, and it is entirely possible that your explanatio­n is the right one

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