Coping with an alcoholic spouse

To this day, I don’t think he understands I still love him, never stopped loving him, but couldn’t watch helplessly any longer while he destroyed his life and ours (he thinks I left due to finding someone else or menopause/midlife crisis).

Dear Annie: I just read the letter from “Anonymous” concerning his alcoholic wife and his inability to help her. This hit home for me 100%. Ten years ago, I divorced my alcoholic husband after 25 years of marriage (28 years together) due to his alcoholism.

It’s not that I didn’t love him or found someone else. I was just tired. Tired of begging, tired of pleading, tired of looking for him, tired of worrying, tired of being scared he would kill himself or someone else driving home. To this day, I don’t think he understands

I still love him, never stopped loving him, but couldn’t watch helplessly any longer while he destroyed his life and ours (he thinks I left due to finding someone else or menopause/midlife crisis).

Once our two kids were grown, I left. They also were impacted by him. While they love him, they questioned why he drinks like that. I never said a bad word about him and explained how some people succumb to alcoholism and that is their “normal.” Luckily, both kids are happy, productive adults, and neither one drinks, I’m sure because of what they witnessed through the years, even though I shielded them as much as I could.

I admire “Anonymous” for sticking with her, and I pray she wakes up and gets the help that many do not seek. My ex-husband is now 65 and plagued by illness and injuries contributed in part by his alcoholism, and I don’t think he will make it much longer. I pray he wakes up as well, because I could not do anything to help him either. — Helpless Wife Like Anonymous Husband

Dear Helpless Wife Like Anonymous Husband:

Thank you for sharing your letter. I hope it brings comfort to others living in similar situations to know they are not alone.

Dear Annie: I just wanted to add to your letter on alcoholism, written by some poor husband whose wife is an alcoholic. As a retired counselor for alcoholic women, I wanted to remind you to say that treatment for alcoholism in an inpatient setting works.

Sometimes it takes many times through treatment for the patient to catch on and quit this awful disease, but treatment works even if they don’t want it. I’ve seen many women succeed, although relapse is a part of the disease, which you can beat — one day at a time. — Retired Counselor

Dear Retired Counselor:

So many things can be achieved if we deal with them one day at a time. Thank you for your letter and insights.