Burn of a caustic sense of humor
I realize I do to other people what my family does to me.
Adapted from an online discussion.
My family is loving, but they tease one another a lot — we’re all expected to have a sharp sense of humor. You have to be able to dish it out and take it. Since I was raised in this atmosphere, I can come up with jokes on the fly, and I love to make people laugh.
Recently, a friend told me my humor is nothing but zingers, and some people are afraid to tell me things because they know I’ll tease them about it. I feel awful about this, and now I’m trying to ensure that my sense of humor isn’t solely based on making fun of others.
I realize I do to other people what my family does to me.
I’m a freelance artist, but most of my money comes from commissions from people in various fandoms. I never let my family know this anymore because one time my dad saw my art and he just had a ball with it. He made fun of it and me, even when I said I put my heart into it and the client was really happy.
The family still brings it up when I say I have a new project. They’re not trying to be mean; they’re teasing me in good fun, not expecting me to take it to heart, but I do.
It’s awful to find out
I’ve been doing this same thing to other people. I don’t want to be the sarcastic, cutting (glass bowl) anymore, but it’s hard to break the habit. Are there any good strategies for being more selfaware in the moment? — Zinger
Dear Carolyn:
One of the most effective behavior changers, when you can’t catch the behavior before
Dear Zinger:
it happens, is to catch it immediately after: “Oh — I’m sorry I said that. It’s a bad habit I’m trying to break. I am actually ____” (happy for you/impressed by your work/envious of your situation/sorry you’re going through that).
Basically, have the do-over as soon as the need for one occurs to you. In the moment in front of everyone is ideal, though an hour/day/week later is still better than nothing.
This throws you into the work of changing — more effective than just deciding, “I want to change.” Plus, it shows your friends you care about them, know you’re a (glass bowl) sometimes and have the guts to do your self-renovation out in the open.
I see you, by the way. Oof.
As a sarcastic person, I believe in the 7-to-1 rule: For every zinger or ribbing-type quip, there should be seven genuine remarks or compliments. When it’s all zingers all the time, people might think you’re really not joking at all. — Anonymous
Re: Sarcasm:
Dear Anonymous:
Right. Or that you’re so thin-skinned, you need defenses so high they block out the sun.
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