Addiction requires less judgment, more compassion
I’m the mother of a child who died from a drug overdose. I won’t stop talking about our daughter, Caitlyn, and telling our story.
It’s hard recounting her death and acknowledging that our sweet “Kadylady-lue” is no longer here. She was only 21 years old when addiction took her.
She was valuable, important and fiercely loved. She was funny, athletic, smart and beautiful. She had hopes and dreams and was a good and kind person.
Sadly, we’re not the only family in this God-forsaken, isolating land of addiction and grief. There are too many of us — way too many!
Since 2000, addiction has wiped out almost 1 million Americans. Each year, overdoses are killing more people than car accidents, breast cancer, suicides, homicides and HIV.
Today is International Overdose Awareness Day. I ask you to acknowledge the day by honoring the loved ones who lost their lives to this disease and by supporting families who have been devastated by such losses.
However, I encourage you to look beyond the day and to take the long view. Ask yourself: What can I do to change this tragic reality? Respectfully, I want to offer some answers to that question; advice, if you will, from someone who, unfortunately, knows what she’s talking about.
In fact, if Caitlyn were here today, I am sure this is what she would say:
1) Don’t pity us. We deserve your utmost respect and support. The strength and fortitude it takes to navigate the complexities of addiction is beyond comprehension. To surface on the other side alive and sane is nothing less than a miracle.
2) Don’t judge us. We hear the whispers. See your glares. Perhaps you think less of us. You question our background, parental involvement and whether or not we were loved enough. Nonsense. If love could have saved us, we would all still be living.
3) Don’t blame us. Do you think anyone wants to be controlled by these poisons — to lose friends, family, careers, education, health and dignity? We have been pulled into something beyond our control. It can happen to anyone.
4) Don’t ignore us. We know you want to look the other way and keep your distance. Don’t worry; addiction is not contagious. We need you to rally around us. You know, like you do when someone is diagnosed with cancer.
5) Don’t doubt us. We are trying so hard to get well. We desperately want to beat this — to feel good again, to make our families proud. Relapse is a common reality of this ugly illness. Don’t scoff when we try to get back on the horse after we fall.
6) Don’t forget us. This is a big one, especially if we are gone. Think about us. Talk about us. Say our names. It’s OK — actually, it’s wonderful! It is healing for families to reminisce about the good memories and count the ways we touched your lives.
Addiction is rampant in this country and the pandemic has thrown gas on the wildfire. This is compounded when the battle strategies we employ are punitive. The only way to win is to turn our pity, judgments and doubt into something positive.
If you are a friend or relative of an addict, here are some positive steps you can take: Volunteer at a recovery center, donate to an addiction charity, support a sober living home, attend Narcotics Anonymous meetings and lobby local and state officials for more targeted resources to help those dealing with this tragic brain disease.
Finally, if you are struggling with substance abuse, ask for help.
If you are in recovery, share your story. Ironically, you may be weakened, but you hold the most effective weapon of all — hope.
Working together we can — and will — save lives.
Carolyn D. Weems