Stop building wall of resentment

Dear Annie: Mywife and I are in our late 70s. Twenty years ago, we retired and moved a few states to be closer to our older daughter, “Melissa,” and her children. Our younger daughter, “Allie,” lives back in our hometown.

Wehave been generous through the years, remembering the grandkids’ birthdays and anniversaries with cards and checks. Wenever hear from the grandkids or Melissa.

Six months ago, we decided that it would be best to move back to our hometown to be near our younger daughter. Then COVID-19 hit, and now my wife is undergoing chemo for stage II cancer.

Afew months ago, we gave Melissa $10,000. We never heard a peep from her about it.

Mywife feels like she did something wrong raising our kids and is depressed for many reasons. Her 80th birthday came and went without so much as a phone call from Melissa or any of the grandkids.

I feel we should stop putting so much effort into reaching out to Melissa We’ll keep sending check-less occasion cards, maybe with lotto scratchers, just to show that we remembered. — What to Do

Dear What to Do:

Send occasion cards if you’d like. But don’t include cash. Don’t even include lotto scratchers. With the way you’re feeling now, every dollar you give Melissa will be another brick in a wall of resentment.

Let her know how much it means when she reaches out, and how much it hurt that she didn’t call on your wife’s 80th birthday. We’re never done growing, and she might surprise you yet.

Then shift your focus to ensuring that you and your wife stay as healthy as possible. And if you want proof that you two were (and are) good parents, just look at your younger daughter.