Keep being there for son, grandkids

Dear Annie: My son and daughter-in-law have been married for about three years.

I live five hours away, so when I visit, I usually stay four days and play with my granddaughter, who is 9 years old. I was kidding around one day when my son was leaving for work and I said, “Aren’t you going to kiss your wife goodbye?” She yelled, “We don’t have that kind of relationship!” I quickly shut my mouth.

She says she doesn’t trust me. She accuses me of all kinds of things that are not true. When I tell my son what she says to me, he always answers that’s just how she is.

When she got pregnant again, I was not allowed to know until my son called months later and told me they were having twins.

She started messaging me nasty things. She states, “STAY UP WHERE YOU ARE NOBODY LIKES

YOU DOWN HERE ANYWAY.”

I was talking with my doctor about this, and he says to stay away from her. What do I do if I’m invited to birthdays or the twins’ christening? — Shut-Out Grandma

Dear Shut-Out Grandma: You should attend events if you are invited. When you’re there, focus on the love you have for your grandchildren and your son. If you can take it a step further, send your daughter-in-law some love. Clearly, she is hurting deeply. Have an open and honest conversation with your son about your feelings. Tell him you are willing to go to family counseling or do whatever it takes to have a relationship with him and your grandchildren. Don’t give up on them.

If she says hurtful things again, don’t engage in an argument. Remember, she is hurting and that is why she is acting out. Act with compassion, and keep being there for your son and grandchildren.