Best friend doesn’t make time to visit

Dear Harriette: My best friend was in my city and didn’t make a single attempt to see me. She was here for a full week and couldn’t make time for me. She said she was in town for work and had several other things to do, but we haven’t seen each other in a year. I absolutely would have gone out of my way to try and see her if I were in her city. My feelings are so hurt, and I’m wondering if we’re even as close as I thought. Am I overreacting? — Not a Priority

Dear Not a Priority: It is not yet time to dump your best friend. It is time to talk to her. But first, make an assessment. Did she tell you beforehand that she would be in town but had such a full schedule that she wouldn’t get to see you? How did you find out she was in town?

Your friend obviously was busy. Things are just opening up, and business trips are likely more compressed with activities now because they haven’t been happening with regularity for two years. Your friend legitimately could have been too busy to see you. Yes, that hurts your feelings, but it does not mean that she loves you any less. I work on a project that sometimes takes a team into a city for a week, and there is never time to see anyone else. Usually there’s not even time for a phone call. That’s how hands-on it is. Trust me, I know it is hard for loved ones to understand, but it’s the truth.

Yes, talk to your friend. Tell her how much you miss her and are sad that you didn’t connect. But don’t guilt her. Instead, talk about when you may be able to see each other in the future.

Dear Harriette: Last night a man I met on a dating app came to pick me up for our first date. I was surprised when he had an IID (car Breathalyzer) near the ignition. He explained to me that he had been required by law to install the device after a few accidents last year.

I ended up having a lovely time with the man. He had a great personality and was a complete gentleman all night. I’m having a bit of a hard time knowing the implications behind the Breathalyzer, though. Would it be smart to continue pursuing this person romantically? — Breathalyzer

Dear Breathalyzer: Take your time. Let the device serve as a yellow light — a caution sign on your path. It certainly shows that in the past this man had issues with self-control. It does not mean that you should write him off. Go slowly. Get to know each other. Over time, talk about his past and learn about his drinking. Ask him to tell you what happened and what prompted it. Listen carefully.

You should share your stories as well, things you are proud of and those you are not. Do not rush into intimacy, but instead allow a friendship to grow.