Is there a way to signal one-way gifts?
Hi, Carolyn: My husband and I are fortunate to be very financially comfortable. We employ a housekeeper who is very dear to us and is living on the edge financially. One of our neighbors is also in a precarious financial spot; we bought after the neighborhood gentrified, and she inherited her house and is barely able to pay the taxes.
We receive gifts from both of these people. The thought means a lot to me, but I am very uncomfortable with the idea that either of them spent good money on me. I’d feel far better if they both spent their money on things they need.
On the flip side, it seems incredibly patronizing or insulting to say, “Don’t get me gifts, but I want to give them to you” (we give our housekeeper a very large payment for the holidays). Is there a way to insist on one-way gifts? — Thanks but No Thanks
Dear Thanks but No Thanks:
Nope. Accept the gifts graciously. Be a good neighbor, too. And consider giving your housekeeper a raise, even if it means a smaller holiday bonus.
If it makes you feel any better about the neighbor’s gift-giving, she apparently owns her home outright in a neighborhood that has appreciated enough in value to be referred to as having “gentrified.” Therefore, it’s not inconceivable that she is both cash poor and has a higher net worth than you do.
Hi, Carolyn: I have a class ring. It’s not my class ring. I’m pretty sure it’s from a neighbor many, many years ago when I was a slightly kleptomaniac child.
How do I return this? I know from sleuthing that the same neighbor still lives there, so I have an address. Do I send a letter first, or a letter and the ring, or just the ring? How do I explain the kleptomaniac tendencies? “It was shiny, and I am like a crow …” Thanks for any help you can provide. — Crow
Dear Crow: Mail your neighbor a photo of the ring and a self-addressed stamped envelope, and ask whether this ring belongs to anyone in the house and if they can correctly say what is inscribed inside the ring. (If nothing, then nothing, right?)
You actually don’t need to explain anything, just send the ring if they claim it, but I don’t see why it’s such a big deal that you swiped a ring as a childchild. Every little kid is “slightly kleptomaniac” until the values and morality kick in. Had you been caught, a parent presumably would have marched you over there to return it to your neighbor and own up in person, case closed. You just weren’t caught.
… And, for whatever reason, didn’t get around to sending the ring sooner. If there’s a story there, besides just forgetting you had it and only recently coming across it again, then that’s the thing you still need to reckon with internally. Otherwise it seems pretty straightforward.