Employee wants to pass on party

Dear Harriette: I have had a contentious relationship with one of my clients, and now it is ending. He is moving to another job. I am happy for him — and for me. No matter how hard I tried, we never got along when it came to getting the work done. Our team is hosting a goodbye party for this guy, and I am expected to be there. I feel like a bit of a hypocrite showing up given that I don’t care for the guy. Should I pass on the festivities? — Not Feeling It

Dear Not Feeling It: I always say that endings are more important than beginnings. Sure, you and this guy haven’t had the smoothest of relationships. He still deserves to be acknowledged for the time you spent together.

You should attend with a genuine smile on your face. Be happy for him that he has found an opportunity that makes him happy, and be strategic for yourself. The rest of the team needs to see that you are a team player and that you have a positive attitude. You will need to be welcoming to whoever comes next, and you should resist the temptation to badmouth the departing client. Stay neutral and upbeat.

My parents are divorced. My mother’s birthday this year was on the same day as Father’s Day. We run into this issue most years because when they do not fall on the exact same day, they fall very close to each other. The days are so close together that I

Dear Harriette:

usually can’t spend time (or money) on both of them. I know that while they never make a big fuss about it to me, one of their feelings will ultimately be hurt by me choosing one over the other. A joint celebration is not an option.

This year was no different. I talked to my dad over the phone to wish him a happy Father’s Day, but I went to dinner with my mom. I could tell that he was sad. What would you recommend that I do to make them both feel as loved and special as possible on their special days? — Two Special Days

First, accept the fact that you can’t make this about the money. It has to be about the sentiment and time. You need to figure out

Two Special Days:

something that will feel special for each of them, even if you cannot personally be with each of them. Plan in advance. Decide that you will do something for one of them the week before the holiday, and set the schedule early. It may be that you cook a special meal, or you go on a fun outing to visit a museum, explore some other point of interest or see a longlost friend. Make a big deal of what you are doing so your parent knows your intention is to make it special.

Be sure to call, FaceTime or otherwise honor the other parent on the actual day as well.