Friend didn’t warn about ex’s cheating

Dear Harriette: My guy friend knew that I was getting cheated on but didn’t say anything to me about it. He never liked my ex-boyfriend. He warned me a few times that the man that I was with was not a good person, but he never gave me a specific reason as to why he felt that way, so I brushed it off. When I found out that I was being cheated on, my friend’s first response was, “I tried to tell you!”

He did not try to tell me, explicitly, that he knew I was being cheated on. He gave me vague reasons for disliking my ex-boyfriend and never elaborated. If he knew for a fact that my ex was cheating, he could have just said that. That’s completely different than just telling me that my boyfriend is “no good for me” and leaving it at that. My friend doesn’t understand why this is a problem. Am I right to be upset with him for this? — Betrayed

Dear Betrayed: Unfortunately, even when friends tell each other outright about betrayal, it often falls on deaf ears. Your friend wasn’t wrong to be vague. He did tell you directly that he thought this man wasn’t good for you. It could have come off as hearsay if he said he thought the guy was cheating on you. Did he only think it was true, or was he certain? It’s tricky knowing how to handle a situation like this. Often, the person being cheated on is so caught up in the relationship that he or she wants to believe any story the cheater is selling.

Stop being mad at your friend. Your anger should be directed toward your ex.

Dear Harriette: AmanI was casually dating took me to a dinner party and introduced me to a few of his friends. He runs in a completely different social circle than I do, so I was excited to meet so many new people. He had one friend in particular I really enjoyed talking to. We talked for at least half of the evening. That friend later found me on social media and asked me out to dinner. Would it be a bad look to go out with this man? I only know him because I was on a date with his friend. — New Friend

Dear New Friend: If you are no longer dating the other man, you are free to go out with whomever you choose. I recommend going on a date with this new person. If it seems like there may be something to it that you would like to explore, touch base with your other friend and tell him the truth. You met a guy at the party, and you have agreed to go out with him. Out of respect, you want to tell the man who brought you to the party where this occurred. You are interested in seeing where this is going. You do not need to tell the man who it was you met. That can be kept private, at least for now.