Worried about daughter buying home
Dear Harriette: I am worried my daughter is moving too fast with her boyfriend, whom she has been dating for a year. She is 19 years old, and they just bought a house with both of their names on the deed. They are still young and have a lot of growing up to do.
My daughter works extremely hard and is essentially financially independent from me and my husband. She is paying for her own college and has bought her own brandnew car. I am proud of her for being able to save up enough to make these purchases, but I feel that with this house, she has gone too far. I don’t think her boyfriend is husband material, and I am nervous to see how this will turn out.
Since my daughter is so financially independent from me and is at an age where she doesn’t want to be told what to do, I fear my advice will only upset her. Should I approach her and say I think this decision is rash or just let her learn from her mistakes? — Too Far
Dear Too Far: Considering that your daughter has already made these decisions, there is very little for you to say at this point. She may be moving too fast; time will reveal whether that is true. At this moment, she is living her life, being responsible for herself and giving it a go with this man. Congratulate her on being so independent at such an early stage in her life. You can also encourage her to slow down. Perhaps now she can stop the spending and establish a rhythm of managing these new expenses and doing her best to save some money, too. Cheerlead in that way rather than chastising her about her decisions. She will have to live with her choices.
Dear Harriette: My dad has recently become friends with one of his former co-workers, “Tim.” I am happy for him because he usually doesn’t like to make new friends — he would rather stick with his old ones. I feel a bit awkward because Tim’s son, “Mark,” and I went to high school together, and he wasn’t necessarily the nicest to me. We are now both in our early 20s, and Tim keeps finding subtle ways for Mark and me to run into each other because he is trying to set us up.
I don’t enjoy Mark’s presence in the slightest because in high school he wasn’t very respectful toward women and because of our past interactions. I understand that we have both changed a lot since high school, but I still can’t get over these things. What should I do? — Awkward Interactions
Dear Awkward Interactions:
Without going into detail, tell your father and Tim that you see what they’re doing: trying to set you up with Mark. Tell them you remember Mark from high school, and you are not interested. Period.