Dad couldn’t change bad attitude while visiting

Iama 23-year-old who just moved to San Francisco. My dad recently came to visit me, and I was excited because I hadn’t seen him in six months. My excitement was dampened once he got here and had nothing positive to say, just complaints the entire time. He hated my apartment, thought it was too exhausting to walk up the hills in the city and didn’t like how expensive the city was. I was really frustrated because I’ve been loving my life here. I found a small apartment that’s in a great location and have been really good at budgeting. Despite his complaints, I decided to try and keep a positive attitude and continue to tour him around the city. I don’t want our relationship to be strained, and I want him to see that I’m doing well here. How can I address my dad’s negativity and help him see the positive side of my new life in San Francisco? — Crack a Smile

Dear Crack A Smile:

Choose the positive. Thank your Dad for coming to visit you and spending time together. Tell him how much you appreciate his effort. Then move on to recapping what you like about your life as you are establishing independence as a young adult. You can leave it at that, or, if you feel so inclined, you can remind him that you are budgeting well in an expensive city. You are enjoying the beauty that the city has to offer, meeting new people and building your life.

Dear Harriette: I have a few friends who have birthdays coming up in the next few months, and I realize that I don’t remember the exact dates of their birthdays. I’m sure I wrote it down at some point, but I used to have all those dates in my head. I have not been as closely connected to these people in recent years, and I guess not having them top of mind hasn’t helped my memory. Anyway, I want to celebrate their special days, but I don’t know when they are. Would it be all right for me to send a card or text to each one saying that I know their big day is coming up and I hope they are well? Should I admit that I can’t remember what their exact birth date is? What should I do? — Want To Celebrate

Dear Want To Celebrate:

Think about the friends in question. If any are particularly sensitive and might take offense that you forgot the date, just make the general overture. You can say, “I’m celebrating with you all month. Enjoy!” For those who may have no issue with reminding you, tell the truth. You know their big day is coming, but you can’t remember the date. Honestly, if someone gets upset with you because you are attempting to celebrate them, that is their problem anyway.