Phobias related to childhood trauma
Dear Harriette: I am currently struggling with a phobia related to gunshots and police sirens due to childhood traumas. When I was a child, I experienced instances where my father would bring conflict into our home, and it has left a lasting impact on me. As a result, I have developed an intense fear and anxiety around the sound of gunshots and police sirens.
These triggers take me back to those traumatic experiences and cause significant distress. How can I manage these triggers and regain a sense of safety and calm? — Phobia of Gunshots
Dear Phobia Of Gunshots:
On a practical level, I ask if you currently live in a safe neighborhood. While no area is immune to potential violence, some are safer than others. Especially given your past, you should put yourself in a well-protected location with security.
Beyond that, now is a great time to get a therapist who can walk you through your childhood experiences and help you unpack what happened and how it impacted you. No matter how frightening they were, when you examine them and determine what happened and why, you may be able to relieve some of the overarching pressure that you are feeling right now.
Dear Harriette: I have been feeling deeply misunderstood and unfairly judged within my family, who are from the Philippines. There seems to be a belief that because I am the eldest, I am always wrong.
It feels as though my opinions and desires are consistently dismissed or invalidated simply because of my birth order.
Additionally, there is an expectation that I should always put my siblings’ needs before my own, even if it means sacrificing my own well-being and happiness. This pressure to constantly “magparaya,” or give way to my younger siblings, is emotionally overwhelming and suffocating to continuously prioritize their needs over my own, without any consideration for my own desires or aspirations. It is also important for me to establish healthy boundaries and find a balance between caring for my siblings and taking care of myself. What should I do? — Unseen and Undervalued
Dear Unseen And Undervalued:
You are grappling with cultural norms and traditions from your Filipino culture as you attempt to exert your independence. To break from tradition, you must be ready to be estranged from family members, at least for a while. They may not understand your desire to be more visible and to forge your own way. If this is what you need, prepare yourself to separate from the family unit, make your own path and establish your life. Over time, you may be able to become strong as an independent person and rekindle family bonds, but it will take time.