Mom worries that son is too dependent

Dear Harriette: My son is often referred to as a “mama’s boy” because of his affectionate gestures toward me, such as kissing my cheeks before school, seeking my opinion on his clothes and requesting I support him during his basketball games. While I appreciate his closeness and love, I sometimes wonder if his attachment to me might hinder his independence and growth. How can I strike a balance between nurturing our relationship and encouraging his independence? — Mama’s Boy

Dear Mama’s Boy: It is wonderful that your son adores you. What you can and should do is teach him that the way he cherishes you is how he should treat anyone he chooses as a partner. What you don’t want him to do is shower all of his love on you to the detriment of his relationships as he develops them. Talk to him often about how to treat other people and how to make smart choices. Teach him independence by assigning him duties that he has to figure out on his own.

Dear Harriette: For “Raising a Japanese Child,” the concerned grandmother whose daughter and son-inlaw adopted a baby from Japan: There are programs for teaching various ethnic groups or their loved ones the language and usually culture of origin. These classes are often weekend or after-school sessions — Hebrew school, Greek school, Chinese school,

Japanese school, you name it.

If the family doesn’t live near a Japanese community, they can find a Buddhist or

Shinto temple, a cultural association (a reference librarian can help find one if needed) or even a Japanese restaurant where they might find such classes for the granddaughter and adult family members.

As the child grows older, they might consider family vacations to cities with a significant Japanese population.

Grandmother, good for you for thinking about your granddaughter’s ethnicity and wanting her to know her birth parents’ culture. Don’t let her be a gaijin in a Japanese body — please get her Japanese language lessons! As an

Air Force brat, while I am not Japanese, I was born in Japan. My parents brought a lot of cultural items back to the United States. I was using chopsticks by 5. — Thoughts for Raising a Japanese Child

Dear Thoughts For Raising A Japanese Child:

Thank you for sharing your insights, and I also want to thank the many other readers who added their thoughts to this important conversation. Exposing children adopted from other cultures to their history and traditions is powerful and possible.