‘Tech widow’ wants mate’s attention

DearAmy: I’ve been married for four years. My husband is a good man. He’s really good to me, but lately it feels like our marriage is in a rut. We don’t have any children, so I feel that some of our attention should be focused on “us,” but he stays on his computer all day or he’s got his nose in his phone.

I’m all about letting him have his “you time,” so I let him do his own thing and I domy own things, but Iwould still like some “us” time every so often. It seems like it’s starting to get out of control.

I’m tired of feeling invisible to him. I tried telling him howmuch it bothersme that I don’t get some attention, but he keeps doing the same ol’ stuff. I don’t want to nag him all the time about it.

A friend suggested that I flirt around with other men and makemy husband jealous, but that’s not reallymy scene and I lovemy husband very much.

Howcan I make him see howmuch it hurts to be the invisible wife? Or am I making a big deal out of nothing?

— The InvisibleWife

Dear Invisible: I have a creative idea for howto express yourself in away your husband might understand: Shoot a video of you doing fun things by yourself (playing mini-golf, going out for ice cream, going to themovies, having coffee at the kitchen table, having a drink at your localwatering hole).

Intercut your video with photos of him bent over his computer or staring at his phone. The last image should be of you basically asking him to come out and play. Share this creation with your husband privately (not on social media or in any public forum). Let your husband knowin a loving and relevantway that youmiss him and that youwant for him to make time for the two of you as a couple.

Every relationship needs to be nurtured in order to thrive. When people talk about marriage being “work,” this is what they are talking about: Couples doing the work to make the relationshipwork is healthy.

If your husband isn’t able or willing to make time for the two of you, then you have a bigger problem than can be remedied by a cute “bid” or through “nagging.”

DearAmy: My mother is a loving and involved grandmother tomy three children. The problem is that she very obviously favorsmy eldest daughter— to the point that she pays limited attention to the younger children unless the eldest is not in the room.

When this has been pointed out to her, she has promised to do better, but she goes back to previous patterns. My younger children are young enough that I don’t think they are aware of the favoritism, but it will soon be obvious to them.

I’m not sure whatmy options are, except to limit access to all three children. I don’twant to cut off their relationship with their grandmother, but I also don’twantmy two younger children to be hurt or their relationships to their sister to suffer. What do I do?

— Mother in theMiddle

Dear Mother: Don’t respond to this by limiting access to all three children, but encourage your mother to experience some one-on-one time with the two younger children. You present some evidence that her favoritism stems mainly fromher not knowing the younger children verywell (she already knows the eldestwell). Don’t lump these kids together into one overwhelming blob, but nudge her toward private and unique experiences with each.

Remind her that it isn’t good for the dynamic between the siblings when she so obviously favors one.

DearAmy: Thank you for saying in your column what a dangerous habit “vaping” is. Iwork in a high school and have found the use of vaping products among our students really alarming.

— Concerned Teacher

Dear Teacher: Parents and educators need to educate kids about the risks of vaping. Nicotine is known to be addictive, and the liquid in vaping devices is unregulated— do people knowexactly what is contained in their Juul pod?

The prospect of yet another generation getting hooked on nicotine is heartbreaking.

Copyright 2018 by Amy Dickinson Distributed by Tribune Content Agency