Mom worries about alcohol exposure
DearAmy: I’ve been married for 20 years. My in-laws all live locally and are high-functioning daily alcohol consumers. We are all involved in a successful family business that involves several liquor licenses. Alcoholwas not part of my childhood culture, and I rarely drink. We meet every Sunday atGrandma’s for a lovely meal where alcohol is omnipresent, although no one gets “out of hand.”
I ampanicked, and feeling isolated, as Iwatch our children come of age with the associated experimentation and boundary pushing. Howcan I askmy husband and extended family to model family life and social activity without alcohol use when our teens are present? Howdo I respond when they likely refuse, orworse, agree but don’t follow through?
— Tea Total
Dear Tea Total: Is it possible that your in-laws are demonstrating howto consume alcohol responsibly? Adults coming together and drinking wine with a meal, for instance, is howmany cultures around theworld celebrate togetherness.
You should talk to your husband about this and, without asking his family to behave differently, discuss howyou two will discuss the topic with your teens. You should be honest with them: “There is a lot of alcohol consumed in our businesses and in our family. Wewant to talk to you about howto use alcohol responsibly.”
Your kids receive alcohol education in school. They are likely surrounded by alcohol temptation otherwise. It is not necessary for you and your husband to be on the same page here (he consumes alcohol and you don’t). Following the law and choosing moderation when they do drink will be vital. The lessons your kids receive at home are important, and if you deliver these messages calmly and with openness (not panic), they will listen.
DearAmy: Iwork in a church office, which is on the first floor of the pastor’s home. When the pastor moved in, he allowed his rescue dog, “Buster,” to freely roam the entire house. Buster comes into meetings and sometimes makes a ruckus, making it difficult to hear. In general, he iswell-behaved. I amnot a dog lover, but I tolerate them. However, I do not believe that animals belong in office-type workplaces. Everyone else in the office likes dogs (some more than others).
Unfortunately, Buster has bitten two children and one adult. We in the office tell parents not to let their kids play with the dog and have signs up with the same message. Our fear is that the dog may more seriously bite someone andwemay be sued if the injury is bad enough.
If I approach the pastor, I might seem self-serving, and the others either do not sharemy concerns or don’twant to approach him. AmI overreacting? How should I broach the subject?
— Concerned OfficeWorker
Dear Concerned: You shouldn’t feel self-conscious about talking with your pastor. Youwork in the office, many people (including children) spend time there, and this has arisen as a concern. Keep your statements neutral and factual: “Buster has bitten some people— I think sometimes he gets overwhelmed when there are a lot of people here.”
Ask if there areways to limit Buster’s roving. A baby gate might give him proximity to the action without placing him in the midst of it. Thiswould entail an adjustment period on his part.
Surely your pastor is aware of the risks — physical and legal— of having a dog that bites. I don’t think it’s necessary to remind him. Also important: Co-workers who love having Buster around will likely undermine efforts to limit his roaming unless the pastor is fully on board.
DearAmy: I didn’t like your advice to “Bewildered Bride,” whoworried about including her groomsman’s abusive partner in theirwedding. You advised her to “run out the clock” and see if this relationship ends before thewedding.
However, thewedding gives the abusivewoman something to hang onto. These friends need to be completely honest: “It’s her or us.”
— Bothered
Dear Bothered: Drawing this line might prompt the abused party to choose “her.” I believe this places him at risk.
Copyright 2018 by Amy Dickinson Distributed by Tribune Content Agency