Illness leads to transplant questions
DearAmy: My sister is receiving treatment for a chronic illness. Eventually her treatment will cease to be effective without a kidney transplant. When shewas diagnosed, five years ago (and from time to time since then), my family and I have expressed our wishes to her to be tested to see ifwewere transplant matches.
She has never provided uswith transplant testing information, nor dowe even knowif she is pursuing a transplant. She is a very private person, particularly about her health, and she resents advice or inquiries that she thinks are intrusive. I accept that she is an adult and can make her own choices regarding her health.
We lost our parents years ago to cancer, and our family can be overbearing and inquisitive. Manywell-meaning relatives askme about her latest news, and they seem to think I should be pushing her more to pursue this transplant.
Iwould be devastated if this illness claimed her life, and I have a young son who adores her andwhom she adores, not to mention all the family and friends who care about her. Should I be doing more to advocate formy sister’s life?
— A Concerned Sister
Dear Sister: You can contact theNational Kidney Foundation with questions about kidney disease, donation or transplant by calling its hotline, 855-653-2273, or by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org.
You can pursue initial information regarding live organ donation without your sister’s participation. Then, down the road, if she chooses to pursue a transplant, you will be prepared and informed.
You should not push your sister, but you should be honest with her about your feelings: “I knowyou are private and our family can be overwhelming, but Iwant you to knowthat your favorite nephew and I care so much about you, and I’mwaiting to help you in anyway youmightwant or need, nowor later.”
DearAmy: My chiropractor of over a decade recently retired and I needed a new one. I found a chiropractorwhose techniques I really appreciate, however, he has an annoying habit of giving extensive explanations. If I tell him about a new symptom I’m having, hewill spend five to 10minutes pontificating on basic information. He always includes a dis- claimer that this new symptom is not his fault. As I have told him, I have been seeing chiropractors for over 50 years and so it’s not as if any of this basic information is new tome. I’m not blaming him formy new symptoms; I just think he’d like to knowwhat’s going on with me
Howdo I get him to quit talking down to me and just do his job?
— RollingMy Eyes in Oregon
DearRollingMy Eyes: One client’s “talking down” or “pontification” is another’s “information session.”
Your new chiropractor is not amindreader. You should communicate clearly with him: “I haven’t been your client for long, so I’m letting you knowthat I appreciate your techniques but I’d rather you get right tomy adjustment, rather than explain things. If I have questions, I’ll ask. Iwant you to knowthat I trust you— I justwant to maximize our time.”
If he can’t— or doesn’twant to— adjust to your style, then you should keep looking for a new practitioner.
DearAmy: Why the Catholic-bashing in your answer to “Excluded”? The questionwas about a rabbi nephew who refused to attend the family’s mixedfaithwedding. You noted that in the Catholic Church, the list of exclusions to attend is “several items long.” You don’t knowwhat you are talking about, and I resent your bigotry.
— Upset Catholic
DearUpset: I responded regarding Catholicism because that is the religion I probably knowbest and to punctuatemy greater point that many religions create exclusions for witnessingweddings.
Some Catholics decline to attend weddings considered “invalid” by the church— the most obvious example being a same-sex union. (The rabbi nephew in questionwas declining to attend awedding he obviously considered “invalid.”)
Michelle Arnold, my favorite columnist on Catholic.com, notes that “Can I attend this wedding?” is the question she receivesmost frequently.
Copyright 2018 by Amy Dickinson Distributed by Tribune Content Agency