Instagram postings alarm family friend
DearAmy: Recently, I noticed that the 13-yearold daughter of some close friends has been posting sexually provocative photos of herself on Instagram. This is a public account, and strange men make sexual comments on her posts, and she responds with lewd remarks.
I find it alarming, and so I notified the girl’s mother (who’s not on social media), and she thanked me, but she also gave an excuse along the lines of, “she’s just precocious.”
Meanwhile, the content continues. I think this is dangerous, but I also feel like it’s in the parents’ hands now. Is it right to continue to stay silent, once I’ve saidmy piece?
— Worried DearWorried: The feelings underlying this behavior are developmentally appropriate for a girl her age. But being sexually precocious at 13 is different nowthan itwas when her parentswere her age.
Thirteen-year-olds are no longer only flirting with other eighth graders at the food court (or sexually acting out behind the bleachers), but when this girl posts these provocative photos, they can be widely shared among a network of strangers, and the photos could be used to bully or exploit her.
You describe the parents as close friends. You don’t say whether you’ve done this, but youmightwant to take some screenshots of the girl’s postings and showthese to the parents, who— if they aren’t on social media— may not understand the extent of the behavior and the risk.
I knowthis recommendation makes you seem like a busybody, but when people post publicly, they invite others to have — and share— a point of view about what they are doing.
You should not harshly judge the girl’s postings (she is acting out and is too young to comprehend the risk), but your alarm is real, and so you should also reach out to her privately to convey calmly and without judgment: “I’mworried about some of your photos and the responses on Insta. It’s scary to see strange guys contacting you. I hope you’ll be more careful. I’m here if you want to talk.”
She will instantly block you and change her settings to “private,” so gather whatever evidence beforehand. After these efforts, let her folks deal with their daughter.
DearAmy: I amso tired of staying home. Iwas happy whenmy state relaxed some of theCOVID-19 mandates, which meant that our church could open up again. However, I am disappointed and angry withmy church’s reaction to the remaining mandates.
Ninety-five percent of the congregation do not wear face masks. There is no social distancing. People are sitting close, hugging and shaking hands.
My spouse and I feel like outcasts. We sit by ourselves in a separate room andwatch the service on TV. That’s not “church.”
We have seen negative comments congregants have posted on Facebook, such as, “Wearing a face mask does not help,” and, from our minister, “If I see youwearing a face mask,
I’ll laugh at you.”
We are naturally uncomfortable with such talk and dangerous behavior.
We’re not sure howto dealwith all this. Iwant to report them to protect the innocent kids and those of us who are compliant. What do you think?
— Justified Anger
Dear Justified: You need to find another church. Your pastor’s comments alone are— shameful, to say the least.
Additionally, depending on what denomination you are, you should contact the district or regional governing body of the church to share your concerns. Send a link to the church’s Facebook page (or screengrab these comments), and ask the district to do something about it.
But definitely find another church. Unfortunately, the spiritual toxicity unleashed by some in this congregation will likely outlast the pandemic.
DearAmy: A reader took you to task, insisting that it is a wife’s duty to assume total responsibility for the care of her elderly husband, who has dementia. You had suggested that the adult daughter should be more helpful.
You answered: “I hope youwarn your spouse.”
Be careful with that razor, lady! You are sharp.
— AFan
Dear Fan: Perhaps I should armmy readers with a styptic pencil.