Hair too sensitive a topic to joke about
Will Smith was wrong. It is totally inappropriate to use violence in response to bad humor.
But Chris Rock also was wrong. It is totally inappropriate to use cruelty as a means of eliciting laughs.
Though the incident has caught the attention of the world, it cast a bad light on an industry already struggling for respect, particularly in the African American community. Plus, it overshadowed some really special moments in the March 27 telecast: Lady Gaga and Liza Minnelli. The “Pulp Fiction” reunion. The “Bruno” dancers. The “CODA” Oscar win.
That said, what is it about hair that causes so much suffering? And who among us doesn’t know that hair is an emotional trigger that should not be pulled?
Humans’ relationship with hair is a complicated one. We grow it to make a statement. We cut it to make a statement. We dye it, wax it, weave it, sing about it, cry about it, envy it, dismiss it, sell it, buy it, curl it, straighten it, use it to stand out, use it to fit in, and, most of us, spend a good chunk of our lives wishing ours were different.
Hair has been the subject of study, books, movies, identity, fashion and, unfortunately, ridicule.
Rock already knew this when he chose to make a cruel — and not so funny — joke about Jada Pinkett Smith’s hair, resulting in the “slap heard (felt?) ’round the world.”
Way back in 2009, Rock did a documentary called “Good Hair,” a film inspired by his daughters and the connection between hair and self-esteem in the Black community.
I asked some local stylists why hair plays such a significant role in our culture, why it has the ability to make us feel confident and beautiful or inadequate and ugly.
Cathy O’Hara owns O’Hara and Friends Salon in Alsip.
Hair, she said, “is our crowning glory. Especially for women.”
Women are more sensitive about their hair because they are judged more harshly by their hair, O’Hara said. For women, hair is equivalent to beauty, she said.
When the pandemic relegated many women to their homes, it gave them a break from worrying about their hair, she said. But now that they’re heading back into the office, her shop is busier again.
“In the working world, gray hair makes men look more distinguished. It makes women look older,” she said. Female clients tell her they don’t want to miss an opportunity because they look too old.
We have the Bible’s Samson, or perhaps Delilah, to thank for our earliest accounts of hair’s association with strength. Perhaps that’s why society assumes lack of hair signifies weakness or illness. But Samson was a man, and, these days, male baldness is more accepted.
Like Pinkett Smith, O’Hara’s son struggled with alopecia, defined by the Mayo Clinic as hair loss that “can be temporary or permanent. It can be the result of heredity, hormonal changes, medical conditions or a normal part of aging. Anyone can lose hair on their head, but it’s more common in men.”
Because her son’s condition started in grade school, it made him the target of ridicule and bullying.
Other kids would shoot rubber bands at his head, or call him “cancer kid,” O’Hara said.
“It was cruel,” she said. Among the many ways she tried to comfort her son was through anti-bullying workshops at her salon.
“Before the pandemic, and the election, it seemed there was a lot of focus on kindness. There was a movement to heighten awareness,” she said.
But today, she said, “People are outright rude to each other. Families don’t talk to each other. Kids see this.”
The whole kindness movement has gone out the window, she said.
At the same time, the definition of humor has changed as society becomes more aware of and more sensitive to the effects ridicule has on people’s emotional well-being, she said.
“We grew up watching Archie Bunker, George Jefferson, Sanford and Son. Those shows wouldn’t make it anymore because people are more sensitive,” she said. “It’s all about awareness.”
Hair really is a part of our identity, O’Hara said. Children learn this very early on. As he aged, she allowed her son to get piercings and tattoos because, in the absence of hair, they were a way for him to express himself, she said.
Her son went on to become a hairdresser for a short time and today works as a tree feller, aiding firefighters as they battle wildfires.
Beverly Warren owns Level Up Beyond Beauty Salon in Aurora. In addition to styling hair, Warren, who goes by the handle Ms. BusyB, sells and donates wigs to people struggling with lack of self-esteem or bullying because of hair loss.
“I have plenty of clients with alopecia,” she said. Cancer, over-treatment, stress, even COVID can cause hair loss, she said.
“People cry in my chair and pray for someone to help them. Hair loss is very emotional,” she said.
“It’s worse for women,” she said. “Men seem to accept it more.”
Women equate hair to beauty, she said.
Warren said she shaved her hair so she could better understand how many of her clients feel.
“It was hard. I didn’t feel pretty,” she said. “It was emotional. Just like weight gain.
“A lot of us have been brought up to believe that beauty is what we see on TV — slim, long-haired women,” she said.
It was a journey for Warren to get to the point that she realized there’s beauty in every shape, size and feature.
“I believe every woman is beautiful but often beauty is the way you feel. Women can be taught to embrace their hair loss just like they can be taught to embrace their weight,” she said.
It doesn’t help when comedians choose physical appearance as material, though, she said.
“Comedians make fun of things they shouldn’t,” Warren said. Physical appearance and physical or mental abilities should not be fodder for laughs, she said.
She wonders, though, if comedians get their material not from others but from inadequacies within themselves.
“Maybe they were the brunt of ridicule. A lot of comedians have probably been ridiculed,” she said. “Maybe that makes them think it’s OK.
“Chris Rock should have been more sensitive,” she said. “There’s a lot of hurt in the world right now. People have lost loved ones, they’ve lost a lot, to COVID.”
Besides, she said, hair loss has been around forever.
“And it’s never been funny.”