COVID-19 danger isn’t a game of Risk
DearAmy: Recently Iwas alarmed to see on Facebook that a few friends had attended a huge gathering where peoplewere not followingCOVID-19 safety guidelines.
I have been meeting with friends (only outside) this summer, but as the weather cools, I amwondering if it will be safe to have a few people over for, say, a game night.
Is there any politeway to ask potential invitees if they have been in any large, unmasked groups recently?
Or should I just give up on a social life until a vaccine is available?
— Careful in Colorado
Dear Careful: It is wisest to stay up to date regarding CDCand your state and local guidelines, which frequently change.
Your question, however, is about howto ask people a very simple, commonsense and straightforward question: “Have you been to any gatherings where you or others didNOT followCOVID-19 safety guidelines and where you might possibly have been exposed to the virus?”
Given that people— even people you are close to— might qualify lying about this as a “social” or “little white lie,” and given the quite irrational but human tendency to bend or dismiss the truth to avoid embarrassment, I don’t think you can rationally expect a truthful answer to this question from someone who violated guidelines, medical recommendations and plain old common sense.
Inmy opinion, it is not wise to host an inside in-person game night or other gathering until you have the “all clear.”
Parlor games, especially, usually involve sitting close together, touching and sharing cards or game pieces, and excited exclamations.
We who live with long winters naturally pine for ways to socialize through the chill, but our patience will be rewarded ifwe continue to do everything possible to stop the spread of this pandemic.
I urge you to look into playing games online with these friends. Classics like Monopoly, Risk and Clue are all available to play online— andword games such as Scrabble and WordsWith Friends are fun to play virtually. Trivia games might be the best bet— and they translate well into the Zoom-age.
DearAmy: My fiance wants to invite “James,” his old college buddy, to our wedding. James and I had a silly drunken fling prior tomy relationship withmy fiance (he knows about this andwe have come to terms with it).
Still, I regretmy fling with James. What’s more, I think he is amean-spirited meddler. Years ago, he referred to me as “sloppy seconds” tomy fiance.
Is it unreasonable forme to say that he can’t come to thewedding? I don’twant to act like a Bridezilla.
— Hopeful
Dear Hopeful: You and your fiance each have the right to invite people from your individual list to your wedding. As obnoxious as “James” might be, my own perspective is that you simply not liking someone on your fiance’s list does not justify eliminating him altogether. However, that “sloppy seconds” comment does put James in the invitation “red zone.”
Having a point of view about who attends your wedding does not make you a “Bridezilla.” (Let’s reserve that term for brides who throw tantrums over trivial matters.)
If you sincerely conclude that you must eliminate James from your fiance’s list, perhaps there is someone on your list that your fiancewould also like to veto.
DearAmy: Thank you so much for publishing the question from“Starving and Fat.” I’ve been struggling withmy own eating disorder lately. When you said that the stress of the pandemic and the social isolation and job challenges have caused dormant issues to resurface, I decided to make an appointment withmy therapist.
— Struggling
Dear Struggling: Recovery is an everyday triumph. Recovery froman eating disorder is especially challenging because it is impossible to eliminate and avoid the source of your biggest challenge, which is food.
Relapsemay always be just around the corner, but so is recovery. “Starving and Fat’s” brave choice to reveal this has inspired a lot of people (like you) to seek help.