Holy smokes! New Jersey cig tax to be highest in nation
Thirty years ago I was a freshman at the University of Maryland, and … and those dozen words have already thrown me off the column at hand, which is Gov. Phil Murphy’s plan to raise the cigarette tax for the first time in over a decade in New Jersey, making a pack of smokes cost in the neighborhood of $12. So we’ll get to that in a moment, but first …
A) Thirty years. My god. How the hell is it 30 years since I was a freshman in college? I need to buy some Maxell II High Bias
100-minute blank cassettes and make a moody mixtape off my CD collection. I think “Look Away” from Chicago followed by “Blaze of Glory” by Jon Bon Jovi is a good way to start …
B) The University of Maryland talk about a fever dream. I lasted there a year and a week. Got a
0.86 GPA my first semester. Failed four classes and got a “B” - a “B!” - in tennis. Dropped out after a I sat down to a four-hour botany lab where we were to shine a light on a plant and measure how much it moves in those four hours. The school was not for me, not at all, mostly because I discovered I was not a “small fish, big pond” kind of guy. Much happier as a “medium fish in a puddle.” Anyway …
Anyway, 30 years ago I was a freshman at the University of Maryland, and I lived in a dorm that was predominantly freshman. And in the lobby of the dorm was a cigarette machine, and the packs cost $1.45 each. Can you imagine? I teach at Rider University - where I eventually graduated from and every so often I mention the cigarette machine and the looks I get from the students are simply ones of disbelief. As in, they legitimately don’t believe me, as the idea of a cigarette vending machine in a dorm in 2020 seems about as likely as a heroin vending machine in a dorm that also makes sexist comments while trying to convert gay people to a straight lifestyle.
In short, it’s unbelievable. Equally unbelievable is if you told me in back 1990 that my pack of Newport Lights - then Camel Lights, then Marlboro Mediums, then Winston Lights, then American Spirits (I was nothing if not a front-runner with my cigarette choices) - would one day cost $12 a pack. Very literally, I used to buy cigarettes with spare change. If Murphy has his way, you’ll need an hour’s worth of work at one of his $15/hour minimum wage jobs to suck down some Salems.
To be clear, I have no problem with the cigarette tax hike, as I’m an ex-smoker, which makes me, by law, a fervent anti-smoking advocate. In fact, I’ve long advocated skipping these tax increases and health initiatives and just ban the retail sale of cigarettes in New
Jersey. Smokers would still be able to get their cigarettes through a state-run program, and that would be that. Taking cigarettes out of your local Wawas would go very far in further demonizing the habit to younger, dumber, more impressionable idiots – like me when I was 16 years old and took my first dizzying puff.
But in the meantime, sure, raise the taxes. Studies show higher prices cause more people to quit. It’s fine. But once again, I’ll use this space to call upon on a brave legislator who’s willing to take on the New Jersey Gasoline-Convenience-Automotive Association and pitch a bill that would ban the retail sale of smokes. We’re clearly headed in that direction, and getting cigarettes out of the public eye can do nothing but help.
In the meantime, the tax hike is expected to bring in more than $200 million in revenue, so I guess that’s good. I mean, bad for the smokers, but good for everyone else.
By the way, at $12 a pack, that’s $4,380 a year for a pack-a-day smoker.
If you’re 18 years old and invest that $4,380 a year and get a relatively modest 6% return, by the time you’re 65 you’d have more than $1.1 million in the bank.
So yeah: Smoke all you want and die at 65, or don’t smoke and fund the golden years of your life.
Man, I wish I could go back in time and put that first $1.45 in a S&P index fund ...