Raising good kids is all about attitude

than was raising a child in 1912 France … or before.

For more than 30 years, I have been trying to persuade America’s parents to restore pre-1960s parenting in their homes — that being the time when chores were a child’s number one after-school activity, television was only to be watched if the weather did not permit outside play, parents did not help with homework (and kids did better in school than today’s kids), and children did what they were told simply because that was the clear expectation.

The most oft-voiced retort: “But John! Times have changed!” To which I point out, times have always changed, but parenting did not — not until experts said it should.

Contrary to what American parents have been led to believe, effective parenting is not comprised of a set of “right” methods (which can only be learned by reading the experts). It is an attitude, a way of presenting oneself to one’s children. If the attitude isn’t there, then no method will work for long. Furthermore, when it is there, methods will be virtually unnecessary.

This attitude communicates to a child: “I know what I am doing (I do not need, for example, to consult with you to determine foods will be on your plate at the evening meal); I know why I am doing it (for your benefit, not mine); I know what I expect from you; and I know you are going to give me what I expect.” This attitude conveys unconditional love and, equally, unequivocal authority.

Anxiety, worry, guilt, rushing from one “commitment” to another: None of that conveys authority. Cool, calm, collected: That conveys authority. Pleading, bribing, threatening, yelling: Nope. An economy of words, clearly spoken: Yep.