Offhand comment about weight stings months later
Dear Abby: I recently went on a cruise with several other women. I was friendly with one of them, but didn’t know the others.
I amoverweight. One of the otherwomen, “Dolores,” was also overweight, heavier than me, in fact. She’s very proud of being Christian, but she made the comment, in front of several other people, that she didn’t mind going places withme becausewithme around she didn’t feel so fat.
I was so stunned I remained silent. Actually, I was afraid that if I spoke I’d say toomuch, but I felt very hurt and ashamed. Even though I have tried to ignore it, this has bothered me formonths and I don’t know what to do.
Should I say something to Dolores or continue to ignore it? I don’t really want to be friends with her now because I don’t knowwhat kind of snide remarkmay come out of her mouth next. And I certainly don’t want to go anywhere with her again. — Taken Aback
in Texas Dear Taken Aback: Whenmankind was created, a delete button should have been installed at the end of our tongues. However, it’s possible our creator thought common sense would suffice. Obviously, Dolores was elsewhere when it was handed out.
While her comment was tactless, it says farmore about how she feels about herself than it does about you. Because this is still bothering you, I don’t think itwould be at all out of line for you to tell her how hurtful her comment was.
Dear Abby: I’m17 and just startedmy junior year. I’m in an advanced programthatmy school offers because I want to get into an international college and need to take these classes to get noticed. I’mjust over a month in, and I’mlosing it. I have a job, I play soccer and I’mthe lead in a school production. On top of that, I have an insane workload I wasn’t prepared for and I’m trying to cope with discovering that I’mnot straight.
With everything going on, I’ve been having meltdowns nearly every day. I leave class sometimes just to hide in the bathroom. I spend hours doing homework and still don’t get everything done I need to.
Last year, four or five of
my classmates left school because ofmental breakdowns in this program. I’m afraid I’mburning out, too. What should I do? Should I drop out of the programor seek help? — Scared and Stressed in New York
Dear Scared: The first thing to do is talk about all of thiswith a counselor at your school. If you are at the point where youmust leave class and “hide,” you need more help than I can offer in a letter. If counseling is available, or your course load can bemodified, you should go in that direction. But dropping out should be your last resort and only afterhaving discussed it with your parents and your counselor, because theremay be other options.
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