New relationships require some talk about expectations

If you want to move your love life forward, discuss it before trying anything new. Giving your lover a little time to absorb doing things a little differently will make it easier for you to both get what you want and need.

When you first get involved with someone, you can expect that he or she will have some expectations. That’s normal. What new couples have to do more than anything else is to talk about those expectations and what it is they think they want. Here are some suggestions for how to get started.

■ •Wanting to build a relationship, a life, and a family is a huge undertaking, but by doing it as a team, you get to not only build your castle but do it together, which will only strengthen your bond. Couples that create their dreams as a team find that they are better at dealing with the curveballs of life because they have a greater inner connection with each other and the strength that comes with it. They also statistically have the happiest marriages.

■ Learn about each other’s buttons and how not to p usht h em.Ifyouknow your partner hates some- thing, help him, or her avoid it. I’m not saying you need to wrap your beloved in a bubble, but if you avoid pet peeves, there will be less tension in the air. Helping the one you love to avoid getting ticked off will give you many more positive hours to enjoy your life together.

■ If you need private time, discuss it first. If you just take off, and your mate doesn’t know where you are going or why, it can be very stressful. Just send a quick text, so your partner knows he or she is not being ditched and that you’ll be back later. Being around each other 24/7 can be a little taxing. Most people need a little alone time, which doesn’t mean you aren’t wanted.

■ If you want to move your love life forward, dis- cuss it before trying anything new. Giving your lover a little time to absorb doing things a little differently will make it easier for you to both get what you want and need. Also, it will make both of you feel safer, and that will make the sex better. It is always wise to move slowly in t hatd epartme nt,nomat- ter how strong your feelings are. Couples who have sex too soon can also burn out quickly, so if you care for the one you’re with, take your time.

■ If you both want a future together, then under- stand what you are getting into. You also have to take into consideration that mar- riage is a legal contract, and t hat part of it (especially if you want a prenup) can be very stressful. You both need to fully understand the entire picture and be able to talk about the busi- ness side of your relationship. Remember, most mar- riages fail because of money issues. If you have a solid understanding of how you will deal with the ups and downs, your chances of surviving them increase significantly.

The most interesting thing about all these desires is that they usually change with time, and the wants of someone in his or her twenties are different from those at middle-age or beyond. Knowing this gi ves you a good starting point to share your mutual dreams.