Six ways to build trust with your partner

Trust is one of the corner- stones of a great relation- ship. If you don’t completely trust the one you love, you will never be comfortable. However, there are many ways to strengthen or build trust. Here are some tips to get you started.

1. It may all be in your head. If you have been betrayed in the past, you may still carry some of that old suspicion with you. If your partner is gone too long or is not answering his or her cell phone, it can trigger some unhealed wounds. Talk to your other half and be honest about what you went through, so the two of you can work something out. If you have trust issues from the past, you have to deal with them.

2. Share your personal passwords with your partner. Yousho uld have noth- ing to hide from the person you share your life with. (Note: this rule does not apply to passwords on professional accounts, for example, if you are a doctor or attorney, where you must maintain client confidenti- ality.) Generally, it’s a good idea to be transparent with your communications. It’s all about building a level of comfort for and with the person you love.

3. Always answer honestly. When my wife asks me who I’m texting or talking to, I always respond, but some- times I say “a cl i ent,” and it stops there. I don’t keep other chat programs on my phone, and she knows she can find me anytime she needs to, because I always keep my phone on, just in case. I want to be t herefor her and never give her a rea- son to doubt me and never have any doubts about her. Doubting your partner is too hard on any marriage.

4. Be open about your friendships. One of the reasons we trust one another is t hat we know every one in each other’s life, and we like to share our friends. This is a way of adding comfort and making it easier to be together or to feel fine when you aren’t. My wife is best friends with my ex, so when they are together, I know they are safe, and they have so much to talk about.

5. Socialize together. I know that you can’t like everyone your partner likes, and vice versa, and maybe one of you golfs and the other doesn’t. But as an example, I know sev- eral spouses who meet up after a round and have din- ner with their mates and the other players and their partners. N icewaytohave a party where you don’t have to cook or clean up afterwards.

6. Flirt with your partner. This actually builds trust. If your partner knows you find him or her desir- able, it removes any worry about fidelity or intention. I never let my wife forget that she is beautiful, desirable, and the luckiest woman in t heworld— and she reminds me that I’m the luckiest man. Some people lose that sweetheart banter along the way, which is a shame, because flirting does so much for your connection.

Trust doesn’t just come. It has to be earned — even if you’ve done nothing to break it. And remember, even things that have been built well and have a solid foundation need occasional maintenance. You can’t take love for granted. Ever. Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist in Westlake Village, Calif., is the author of "The Couple: How to Make Happiness a Habit One Little Loving Thing at a Time." Follow his daily insights on Twitter @BartonGoldsmith