The constant war for our attention never stops
The war for our attention is relentless.
I was watching the news the other evening, listening to the broadcaster narrate a video while another message was scrolling at the bottom of the screen. In addition to these three technological assaults, I kept glancing at my iPhone as I was getting alerts while checking my email from work.
We justify this behavior by calling it “multitasking,” now documented as a scientific fantasy.
We are constantly bombarded by people, technology, feelings, and thoughts that want and demand our attention. In trying to attend to everything, we become distracted, unfocused, overwhelmed and fail to pay attention to what’s important.
We’ve become conditioned to need constant news and superficial technological connections. FOMO (fear of missing out) is being discussed as a possible mental disorder.
Relationships are the biggest causalities in this war. It’s routine to be talking with someone who glances aside to check their iPhone. It’s called “phubbing” (snubbing the person to look at your phone) and occurs in both business and casual interactions. Phubbing violates what others need most from us, which is to be engaged and approachable.
Sleep provides no escape from this war. A recent study documented that 68% of teens take their electronics to bed with them, and 36% get up at least once during the night to view their phone messages.
The war continues even when driving, as we listen to music, watch the road, and use our phones. In 2018, there were about 3,500 deaths and 391,000 vehicle accidents attributable to using devices while driving. Texting while driving makes it 23 times more likely to get into an accident. We do it anyway.
This war is not just about technology. Our colleagues at work need to speak to us for “just a moment,” and kids need or want us. The assaults never stop.
Digital detoxification is a good start, but it’s not enough. You already know about screen etiquette. It’s the right thing to do, but increasingly seems impossible to accomplish.
By trying to respond to almost everything, we fail to focus on what matters. The science of happiness gives us some pretty clear direction on what those priorities should be — act in ways that foster loving relationships, set and achieve goals with real meaning, and do things that put you in a positive and pleasant mood.
As with many conflicts, we know how to defeat this enemy. An intensified awareness of the problem, followed by mindful reflection and a laser-like focus on priorities, gives us the control we need to live a life that truly matters.
Next week: Sibling interactions — what’s common isn’t always normal.
Dr. Ramey is the executive director of Dayton Children's Hospital's Pediatric Center for Mental Health Resources and can be contacted at Rameyg@childrensdayton. org.