Is it time for you to look into changing your child’s therapist?

I receive lots of inquiries from parents who want to change therapists, which I usually discourage. Many people have unrealistic expectations, thinking that problems that developed over many years should change in a few weeks. My advice is generally to discuss your concerns with your therapist.

However, in the following situations, switching therapists may be in your child’s best interest.

1. Child not engaged. Therapists work hard to create an environment where your child feels comfortable and secure in talking about their private world. This is generally not difficult if kids are treated with respect and their feelings are honored. I can’t make much progress if a young person doesn’t trust me.

Consider making a change if your child continues to be reluctant to talk honestly with their therapist.

2. You are not actively involved. Talking with a child alone generally accomplishes very little. Parents must be active partners in therapy, typically involved in every session. You need guidance from your therapist on how to change the way you are interacting with your child. There is no single best approach. In some situations, I talk alone with the parents, while on many occasions I need the parent and child together in my office.

You should have a clear understanding of the goals of therapy, how success will be measured, and your role in this process. If you can’t get that information from your therapist, something is wrong.

3. You are not honest with your therapist. Many families have secrets, often known to kids but not to their therapist. You have a right to your privacy, and don’t need to reveal your history of child abuse, marital infidelity, substance use, or other difficult topics. However, these are relevant if they are influencing the way you interact with your child.

One teen talked extensively with me about his mom’s heavy drinking. When she passed out, he was responsible for his younger siblings. He’d rather be out with friends than supervising three other kids. I couldn’t help this teen until I first assisted the mom in getting treatment for her alcoholism.

An honest and open relationship with the therapist is just as vital for you as it is for your child. If you don’t trust the therapist, consider making a change.

4. Unprofessional behavior. This doesn’t often happen, but some parents experience a variety of offensive behavior by therapists. These include talking too much, excessive political or religious items in their office, sloppy attire, rigid cultural stereotypes or being frequently late for appointments.

Please talk to your therapist about these issues. If things don’t improve, don’t be reluctant to seek services elsewhere.

Next week: Your child’s digital world

Dr. Ramey is the executive director of Dayton Children's Hospital's Pediatric Center for Mental Health Resources and can be contacted at Rameyg@childrensdayton. org.