How to keep the honeymoon going
If you took a honeymoon, you probably loved it. You loved not just where you went but also the experience that went with it — being carefree and pampered, eating well, sleeping in, being romantic and basking in the joy of each other’s company. All of this wonderful stuff shouldn’t go away when you return to your regular life, and there are many ways to keep the energy going.
First, remember that a lot of what makes or breaks your married life is about attitude. You were relaxed when you were away: no bills, no boss, no BS. Now that you are back in the real world, everyday stress can easily negate the positive vibes you created on your trip, but only if you let it. No, you can’t make the daily tasks of living disappear, but you can choose to make “honeymoon time” for each other.
For some couples, that time starts when they see each other at the end of the day. Others wait until bedtime or even the early morning. Whenever it is that the two of you can be close and intimate with each other, try to make it a consistent thing so that you have something to look forward to.
This is about connecting with each other; sex is a part of that, but it’s not the entire reason for carving out some special moments for your love and your life. When you are connected emotionally, the two of you will also feel closer to one another, and that makes the romantic experience better, even if you are not being sexual.
The great news is that the more you do this, the more you will want to do it. This process builds the brain chemical oxytocin — also known as the cuddle hormone — and you will want to cuddle and enjoy each other more and more as you continue building on your love and connection.
Your honeymoon was a vacation, and your life can have elements of that. All you have to do to make it happen is to talk about what you both want and need. Find and then agree on a time that works for you to be attentive to each other, and discuss a few things that you’d like from that experience. Imagine what it will feel like when you have this to look forward to on an almost daily basis.
Life can throw curveballs from time to time, so whenever that happens, just get back to your loving pattern as soon as circumstances allow. The more you give to and are there for one another, the closer you will get, and having that energy with the one you love is the best experience on earth.
Going on your honeymoon was like being on a wonderful weeklong date. Remembering that wonderful time together will remind you of the importance of having a date night once a week. This can be part of your couple time, and it’s really important for keeping your relationship balanced. If your life is only about getting through the days, your relationship will be more challenging.
It can seem a little strange to plan your playtime with each other, but if you don’t make a plan and stick to it, other things will get in the way. Make your relationship your first priority, and most everything else will fall into place. Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist in Westlake Village, Calif., is the author of “The Happy Couple: How to Make Happiness a Habit One Little Loving Thing at a Time.” Follow his daily insights on Twitter at @ BartonGoldsmith.