Let’s make America’s showers great again

Donald Trump and I don’t see eye to eye on everything, especially that thing where he subtly hints that the profession of which I am a member is not necessarily perfect in every way. But there’s at least one thing upon which we can agree: Showers.

A satisfying shower is one of the great legal pleasures of life. At least it was before the ecology police decided in 1992 that showerheads would not be permitted by law to release in excess of 2.5 gallons per minute. As reported last week, the president has made it known that he thinks the restriction is all wet.

“Because my hair — I don’t know about you, but it has to be perfect. Perfect,” he said in discussing the regulation. (No, I have no idea what that has to do with anything, either, but let’s not get sidetracked.)

I don’t know what the shower situation is at the White House, but when we bought our condo, the water came out of the showerhead with enough force to remove all the soap, shampoo and one or two layers of skin in one mighty blast. But when we had the bathroom remodeled a few years later, the pumber informed us that the showerhead had be replaced with a kinder, gentler one.

Which, I discovered, is sort of like ruling that cars shoud be engineered to go no faster than 30 miles an hour; you’d get where you want to be eventually, but it would take you a lot longer.

Because instead of rinsing away the shampoo and soap with a brief, mighty blast, it takes twice as long. And, probably, a lot more water. And definitely a lot less satisfying.

I realize that water conservation needs to be practiced in many parts of the world. But there are plenty of other ways to conserve water that don’t penalize those of us who simply want to feel clean.

Banning squirt guns, for instance. Who knows how many gallons of water are wasted by urchins running around in their bathing suits dowsing other urchins?

And, of course, the most monumental waste of all: bottled water. One of the greatest marketing cons of all time managed to convince millions of Americans that they would drop dead of dehydration if they went more than 10 minutes without sipping designer water that allegedly flowed from some mountain stream.

We’re doing our best to be environmentally correct at our house. We recycle. We have energyefficient HVAC. Doublepane windows. Low-flush toilets.

But when it’s time to shower, I say bring it on. Let it flow. Let it come forth with a mighty blast.

Shower power to the people.