Couple planning wedding want to keep haters away
Dear Abby: My fiance and I have begun planning our wedding for next year. We have both beenmarried before, so family doesn’t think we should have a
“big” celebration. Mom actually told me that it can’t be as special asmy first one.
While lying in bed the other night, wewere discussing how to address people’s opinions because we don’t want our wedding day to be full of people complaining about being there, choices wemade regarding our celebration and thinking they need to give us a gift. We would like to include a “disclaimer” saying something like, “If you’re not truly happy for us, stay home!” I realize that etiquette would not allowus to do it. Do you have any suggestions for our situation? — Our “Big Day”
Dear “Big Day”: Many couples today have been marriedmore than once. Your mother was correct when she told you this second wedding should be more low-key than the first. Rest assured that no one will attend your wedding who doesn’t want to be there because attendance is not compulsory.
I’mglad you recognize that the “disclaimer” would be inappropriate. If you prefer your guests forgo giving you a gift, convey that by having someone else deliver it VERBALLY — such as yourmother or members of your wedding party— when guests call to ask where you are registered. The wording should be: “They only want you to share in their happiness on this special day. No gift is expected or required.”
Dear Abby: I have been marriedmore than 40 years. We are now retired andmoved to a small towna fewyears ago. My problem ismy husband does almost nothing to help out around the house. I do the housekeeping, shopping, cooking, bill paying andmost of the extensive outdoor upkeep. Although I was the primary breadwinner during ourmarriage, my husband thinks his “work” is nowover.
He watches TV all day long, but when he does want to get out and do something, itmust always includeme. I’msick of his face at this point. I’msure I’mshort-tempered at times because everything falls on my shoulders. When I ask him to do something or offermy “two cents,” he accusesme of nagging and won’t talk tome for days.
I hate this life! I don’t think he would go to a marriage counselor because he feels I’mthe problem. I think Iwant a divorce, but I don’t want this lazy bum to get half of everything I’ve earned and saved. Help! — Irked in Idaho
Dear Irked: You have my sympathy, but you created this “monster” by tolerating your husband’s laziness and controlling nature all these years. Because he won’t talk to a marriage counselor doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t. It’s important you learn coping skills to deal withhis passive aggression, which is what the silent treatment is. If a licensed therapist can’t help to relieve the pressure on you, thenmake an appointment with a lawyer to discuss what options youmay have short of divorce. I’mcrossingmy fingers that you have some.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.