Pastor had an affair while engaged
Dear Abby: A new single pastor was assigned tomy church. He asked if I was single and if I had kids. I told himno, and we began having an affair.
For two years, it was all in secret. Then I began noticing that a single lady from his previous church would visit. He toldme she was concerned about him being alone, so she was stopping by on her way through.
Well, I now know she was more than that. While he was havinghis affair withme, hewas engaged to her. When I confronted him, he denied it. They got married in secret, and he didn’t tell the church until afterward. Everyone was shocked because he talked somuch about being an open book and being truthful. I was and still am in shock. I love my church, but I hatemy pastor. Should I leave? — Hurting in
Secret
Dear Hurting: I smell a rat, and it’s coming fromthe pulpit. Your pastormisrepresented himself. His affair with youwas, to say the least, unethical and should be discussedwith the governing board of your church. You were taken advantage of. One of you should leave.
Dear Abby: I endured an arduous decade-longmarriage with a subsequent nasty divorce and custody battle. Thiswas followed by years of contentious child rearing with my ex. Withmy children now grown, I amfree to spendmy money theway I want and have absolute freedom. I live alone, and quite frankly, I lovemy life. I am100% sure that I want to remain unmarried.
When people askme about getting remarried, I tell them “never again,” and Imean it.
Yet, inevitably, people say, “You never know, youmight get married again someday.” Abby, I DO know. It’s been more than 20 years.
I used to get annoyed, but nowI just blow it off. Do you have any retort that doesn’t sound rude? I have thought about saying, “I guess you knowme better than I know myself,” but it sounds snarky. — Befuddled in Florida
Dear Befuddled: If blowing off the questions no longer works for you, try this: Smile at the person and say, “That would involve TWO willing people, and I’mnot receptive. But thank you for the kind thought.” And then change the subject.
Dear Abby: I have been having some emotional turmoil. I’m feeling depressed and hopeless. I knowI need to tellmy parents, but I’mtoo scared. I’mafraid they will brush it off or blame me. It’s really affectingmy life. Please give me some advice on how to break the news.
— Girl With a Problem in North Carolina
Dear Girl: Many people are experiencing feelings similar to the ones you are. The worst thing you can do is keep themto yourself. Be brave. Tell your parents about your depression and turmoil. If they are disbelieving, confide in a teacher or the parent of a close friend so they can advise your parents on getting you professional help if it is necessary. My thoughts are with you, and I hope you feel better soon.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.