Searching for an answer on the internet hacks him off

All I wanted to know was whether I should wear socks to bed.

When I was a child, my mom said wearing socks to bed would make my feet colder. That seemed counterintuitive, but I never would have said that to her, even if I’d known what counterintuitive meant.

So I’ve spent the rest of my nights sleeping sockless, but always wondering about it. Then the other day I came across an internet site that asked, “what happens to your body if you sleep with socks?”

When I clicked on it, the answer didn’t pop up. What appeared, instead, was a site promoting “31 Unique Life Hacks That Will Change Your Life.”

That’s the thing about the internet; it’s never satisfied to just answer your question. It likes to show off how smart it is and lead you to answers for which you never had questions.

Say you wondered what caused the Russian revolution. Click on “Russian revolution” and the internet might call up “economic impact of Russian agriculture in the early 20th century.” Which could lead to a chart on Russian beet production in1914, then to “25 best recipes for borscht” and the next thing you know, there’s porn on your screen.

Not only did 31 hacks not seem to have anything to do with wearing socks to bed, I wasn’t even sure what the word “hacks” meant. I always thought hacks were what internet crooks employed to steal your 401(k) or influence elections. But a hack apparently isn’t the same as a “life hack.” According to the site, “a life hack is a little trick that can be quickly implemented in your day-to-day life to solve a problem.” I think Heloise called those

“hints.”

So I clicked again, because my life probably could stand a little changing.

The first life-changing hack explained that to keep water from boiling over on the stove I should place a wooden spoon across the top of the pot. I wasn’t sure if that was something I should try, because we have a gas range and a lot of times the flames creep up around the pot, so if there were a wooden spoon on top it might catch on fire and burn down our house. I guess that definitely would change my life, though.

Other life-changers advised cleaning my toilet with Coca-Cola and my car’s headlights with toothpaste, or making grilled cheese sandwiches in my toaster.

I could get an answer to my socks question somewhere else on the internet, I suppose. But maybe I’ll wear just one sock to bed tonight and find out which foot is warmer in the morning.