Humans Evolved to Be Lonely
FEELINGS OF LONELINESS REMIND US WHEN IT’S TIME TO RECONNECT WITH THOSE AROUND US. LONG AGO, IT WAS LIKELY A MATTER OF LIFE OR DEATH.
A HEAVY
feeling on the chest. A throat that’s leaden. An unrelenting and overwhelming feeling of isolation. Loneliness hurts — and, over time, it can put the body into a vicious inflammatory state that increases our risk of everything from heart attack and stroke to diabetes and cancer. So, evolutionarily speaking, why do we experience it?
Stephanie Cacioppo, a neuroscientist at the University of Chicago Pritzker School of Medicine, says that countless studies have helped researchers formulate a holistic purpose for loneliness. “Our social structures evolved hand in hand with neural, hormonal and genetic mechanisms to support these social structures” — like couples, tribes and communities — “that help us survive and reproduce,” says Cacioppo.
While loneliness may be painful to experience today, for our prehistoric ancestors that pain would’ve been a far better alternative to being caught alone with a saber-toothed predator on the prowl.
BEING SOCIAL
had its downsides even back then — competition for food, for example, or contribution to the spread of pathogens. But scientists think we evolved to feel loneliness because it was more important to work with one another to accomplish tasks and protect everyone. “The pain of loneliness prompted us to renew the social structure so we could survive and promote key features like trust, cooperation and collective action,” explains Cacioppo.
She says that, for years, researchers thought of loneliness as a “disease with no redeeming features.” But now, they’re realizing that it’s more of a biological hunger signal that reminds us when it’s time to reconnect with those around us to promote our short-term survival. If the outcomes of loneliness were entirely negative, it would no longer be a part of our DNA. “Hunger and thirst protect our physical body while loneliness protects our social body,” says Cacioppo.
Interestingly, while loneliness sends a signal to the brain that it’s time for connection, at the same time it’s also looking for danger. This “paradoxical signal,” according to Cacioppo, reminds us to be wary of whether the people we are connecting with are foes or friends. She calls this need to be vigilant even as we’re socializing a “self-protection mechanism.” That means in situations where you feel lonely even when surrounded by others, you’re subconsciously thinking that this crowd might not be a good evolutionary fit for your survival.
THAT SAID,
loneliness impacts us all differently. While it is universal and we’re all vulnerable to it, says Cacioppo, some of us may find certain situations lonely though others don’t. She adds that there’s also a genetic component: Some of us are born to feel lonelier than others.
Other factors play a role, too. According to Nathan Spreng, director of the Laboratory of Brain and Cognition at the Montreal Neurological Institute, the way we were treated as children — including how much attention we were given — can also inform how lonely we feel as adults.
Spreng says that over time, loneliness is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Lonely people spend most of their time deep within their own imaginations; they may conceptualize social encounters so much, in fact, that this part of their brain is in overdrive. “People who are really lonely may be desperate to form connections,” he says. “But they aren’t as present, so they might miss the social cues necessary to form deeper connections.”