HAPPINESS IS OTHER PEOPLE

A WEALTH OF RESEARCH SHOWS THAT HAPPINESS ISN’T SOMETHING WE CAN ATTAIN BY OURSELVES.

Every morning in graduate school, Gillian Sandstrom would wave to the woman selling hot dogs outside her building. “If she wasn’t there on a given day, things didn’t feel right. I missed her,” says Sandstrom, now a psychology professor at the University of Sussex in the U.K.

“It was this huge source of comfort and security, and it was with someone I never talked to.”

That connection satisfied a deep, bodily need for Sandstrom, just like water relieves thirst. Humans are intensely social creatures, and research increasingly suggests that losing our connections to others can negatively impact our health. A 2023 report by the U.S. surgeon general called widespread loneliness in the U.S. a deadly health risk comparable to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day. By contrast, findings like those in the Harvard Study of Adult Development, which reported that close relationships were the best predictors of a long and happy life, are a testament to the importance of our close ties. What’s more, the study also showed that octogenarians in happy marriages reported their happiness remained stable even on days when they were in greater physical pain.

But close relationships aren’t the only social bonds that matter. Interactions of all kinds —chatting with a stranger, giving a smile of recognition to your local barista, or waving to the people you see every day at the dog park — create a much-needed sense of community. “We literally cannot survive or thrive without feeling like we are accepted,” says Sandstrom.

These “weak tie” relationships aren’t a substitute for the deeper, more meaningful connections we also need. But Sandstrom says we should recognize and celebrate their importance, and push ourselves to engage in them because they’re so beneficial to our sense of well-being. “I am an introvert,” she says. “And, at the same time, I love talking to strangers. I believe that anyone can do it.”