Irked couple leaves kid baffled
DEAR MISS MANNERS >> I am a 13-year-old girl in a small ethnic community, and am part of the community’s children’s choir. Our choir instructor, who is in her mid-20s, is getting married in a few months. I bumped into her and her fiance at a religious event, and after saying hello and asking how they were, I also asked them, “How is wedding planning going?”
Instantly they both got angry and said my question was very rude.
My intention was to be polite and make small talk. I promise I wasn’t fishing for an invite or anything like that. The only reason I even asked is because she has spoken about her wedding in front of our choir.
Was my generic question truly rude? I really don’t think it was, but I am no longer sure. After they criticized me, I apologized and walked away stunned. I’m not sure what to think now. GENTLE READER >> Although Miss Manners is hesitant to tell a young adult that her elders will not always be right, she does so now in recognition that you would have discovered this yourself soon enough.
Next time, you will also realize that their united vehemence did not demonstrate that they were correct, but rather that the wedding planning was not going well.
DEAR MISS MANNERS >> Last year, I did a great deal of home renovation projects. I found myself constantly astonished at the number of contractors and skilled workers who never responded to my inquiries requesting estimates for the work to be done.
This included contractors who had come to the house and discussed the work, but then never responded again. I have heard the same story from other friends as well.
Now I’m in the position of needing a contractor to return and follow up on a problem that he thought he had solved.
I gave this contractor over $100,000 worth of work and I have received no response after two inquiries. I’ve been tempted to write again with a snide comment on the order of:
“After all the work and money I gave you, you can’t follow up on my request?” But perhaps Miss Manners can provide a more polite and effective way of eliciting a response.
GENTLE READER >> While she agrees that contractors and workers who do not respond to inquiries for estimates are both rude and poor business people, Miss Manners bars the teaching of manners by civilians. You will therefore have to settle for an admonition that you are disappointed that they do not have time for new business.
Such a communication need not be limited to the contractor — it can be shared with his or her supervisor and the inevitable follow-up from the company’s sales department about your level of satisfaction.
The situation with the contractor you have already worked with is different: He has failed to provide the contracted service, and can be pursued with all the tools available to aggrieved customers.