Dad covers up grandpa’s health scare
eiAR lARRIiTTi >> I am having a hard time forgiving my father for not telling me that my grandfather was in the hospital a few weeks ago. His excuse was that he didn’t want to worry me; however, it would’ve been nice to pay a visit to my grandfather while he was there.
He’s back home now and doing much better, but I’m still upset. What if something had gone wrong? I wouldn’t have had a chance to say goodbye.
How do I forgive my father for this? I am having a hard time understanding his reasoning.
— Should Have Told Me
eiAR SlOULe lAVi TOLe ti>> While you have a legitimate reason to be mad at your father, that moment has passed. Do not dwell on it. Instead, have a calm and frank conversation with your father. Tell him that you want to be a part of this vulnerable time in your grandfather’s life and in your family. Ask him to keep you in the loop about how your grandfather is doing moving forward. Encourage him to spare no pertinent detail. Also, step up and start to participate in whatever support you can offer. Call your grandfather daily to check in on him. Develop a rapport with him now. Invite him to tell you stories about the family and his past. Elders usually love to reminisce. Be as close to your grandfather as is reasonable. You both will appreciate this bonding, and it may help your father as well.
You ask why your father didn’t tell you. He told you why: He didn’t want to worry you. That sounds like a fatherly response. He believes his job is to shield you from hardship. As he watches you cultivate a closer relationship with your grandfather, perhaps he will see that you can handle what comes next — and that you really want to do so.
eiAR lARRIiTTi >> A few weeks ago, my older sister’s best friend flew in from out of town to spend the week with my family and me. I loved having her over because I’d heard so much about her.
A few days after she left, my older sister confessed that she and her friend are actually in a relationship and had been dating for months.
My parents are upset because my sister brought the girl into the house under false pretenses. My sister thinks that my parents are upset because they are homophobic. I kind of agree with my parents because I think they would’ve reacted like that if it were a male she brought into the house, but I want to have my sister’s back.
What should I do?
— Stuck in the Middle
eiAR STUar IN Tli tIeeLi >>
Your sister was afraid to reveal the nature of her relationship before creating some type of familiarity with her girlfriend. While understandable, it is not fair to the family. You can be supportive of her without agreeing with her decision. Remind her of how much you like her girlfriend. Tell her you would probably like her even if she had been introduced honestly to the family.
Explain that your parents feel duped, which is also understandable. Instead of pretending, it would have been better for your sister to reveal the truth of her life and her relationship.
Starting now, everybody needs to talk, clear the air, address any underlying reservations and figure out a way forward.