Resist the temptation to tell all on your way out

Q I work in a field adjacent to academia and the pandemic has elevated me to a management role on a fast-paced, highprofile project. I work directly with our company executive, who is widely respected and has come to recognize my contributions to the project.

I am grateful for the opportunity to work on an important cause, to tap into skills I never got to exercise before, and to remind myself I don’t often run from challenges. But I am disheartened by my colleagues, many of whom “talk the talk” about advancing equity and demonstrating compassion yet fail to advocate those same values in-house.

I am often the only person agitating in a staff forum about taking direct actions to alleviate burnout or retain entry-level employees who leave in droves every

season. We continue forming ad hoc committees to examine issues for indeterminable amounts of time.

I am nagged by this sense that, especially as majority women-of-color managers, we should be collectivizing our leadership to make more gains.

It’s time for me to resign, both to collect my wits and to hopefully feel less like an alien in my next workplace. I will have the ears of our company executive and his chief officers one last time in addition to the standard exit interview. Should I be candid about my frustrations and why I’m leaving, or should I just be gracious and “hope our paths cross again”? — Anonymous, Washington, D.C.

A

I get a lot of questions about exit interviews, so I will try to address the matter generally while also answering your question specifically. I should warn you that this phenomenon of people voicing solidarity but doing little to act on the politics they purport to have is not unique to your workplace. Most people talk more than they act. I hope you find a new workplace that is better aligned with your values, but be prepared to encounter a similar complacency wherever you land.

There are all kinds of ways to approach exit interviews. You can burn it all down, telling your employer the most unfiltered version what you think. Most of us have fantasized about this kind of exit interview, this moment of triumph, but we don’t do it because the world is small and our professional circles are even smaller. We can’t trust that there won’t be repercussions for speaking our mind.

As you consider how candid you should be, you should first determine what you hope to accomplish. Will voicing your frustrations do anything to accomplish that goal or will they simply make you feel better? Will the organization act on your feedback in constructive ways or will it be a liability for you in the future? If your professional future depends on it, be gracious.

The frustrations you share here aren’t really about this workplace specifically. They are about people and inaction and inconsistent values. The most relevant concern is with regard to endless committee work that accomplishes nothing. What suggestions do you have for how those committees can be more institutionally supported and relevant? Start there and let common sense be your guide for the tone you take and where the conversation leads.

Whatever concerns you share, I hope you are heard and that your exit interview brings you the kind of closure you seek.

Q

It is not unusual for my new firm to interview candidates from my old firm and I am often asked what I think of them. I do not mind the question.

Given that we all need jobs, how much is reasonable to share? I’m not talking about the rock stars or really problematic employees. I’m talking about the ones who are good but maybe not great.

In a recent example, I was asked about a colleague who had previously had trouble with her manager. While I was not privy to the details, management issues were a huge problem in the department. She may have been “difficult” to manage, but there were also a lot of bad management practices. This all seems like a lot to share. What do people expect? What is the right thing to do? — Kate, Atlanta

A

You ask a good question. When giving this kind of informal recommendation, you should be honest about what you have directly observed or experienced. Everything else is conjecture or hearsay.

You noted that you weren’t privy to details about your colleague who had trouble with her manager. In such instances, it is better to say nothing on that subject. You don’t have enough information, and to share partial information might adversely affect your former colleague’s chances.

Lots of people have trouble with managers for all kinds of reasons. Because she isn’t one of the really problematic former colleagues, no harm is done in sharing what you know that is positive. Trust your instincts. They have guided you to ask this thoughtful question and they will guide you as to what to tell whom and when.