Regular customer is a creep but tips well
DEAR HARRIETTE »
One of my regulars at work is a little creepy, but he tips me well. He comes in every Wednesday and requests me as his server every single time. He refuses to have any other server in the restaurant. He has told the other waitstaff that the reason that he always requests me is because he has a crush on me.
This man is an older gentleman, and he is usually respectful enough, but he won't stop asking me personal questions and making flirty remarks while I am simply trying to do my job. The only reason I keep accepting him as a regular is because he tips well, and I need the money.
Should I continue to serve this man?
— Need the Cash
DEAR NEED THE CASH »
You work in the service industry, which requires you to be friendly and cordial to guests. As long as this man does not cross the line to make you feel unsafe or violated in some way, you should be able to safely serve him.
You do not need to answer all of his questions. One way to avoid the barrage of questions is to turn it back to him. When he starts with the questions, flip it back to him. Ask him to tell you about his life. Was he ever married? Does he have children? What type of work did or does he do? Where is he from? Get him to talk about himself. You will learn more about who he is, which may give you some peace of mind. But more, it will create a safer space for the two of you to be in. The focus will be less on you.
As far as the flirty comments go, let them roll off your back — as long as they aren't inappropriate. There is an art to doing your job, keeping the customers happy and maintaining your integrity. You can do it.
DEAR HARRIETTE » I had to hospitalize my daughter a few months ago due to psychiatric issues. She's been in and out of the hospital ever since; I honestly just can't help her on my own.
Every time she comes back from treatment, she acts as if I am her enemy. She tells me that it is my fault that she is sick and that she'll never forgive me for putting her in the hospital. She is so deep in her head that I honestly can't tell if she means what she says.
If she's going to resent me more and more each time that I put her in the hospital, should I stop sending her there?
— I Mean Well
DEAR I MEAN WELL » Talk to your daughter's medical team and get detailed, informed recommendations on how to care for her. If she is back and forth to the hospital like a revolving door, this solution clearly is not working long term. Find out from her psychiatrist what the next steps could be for her treatment plan.
It may be that she needs to have long-term inpatient treatment right now, where she can work with professionals to help her get stabilized. If you are following the recommendations when your daughter comes home and it isn't working, it is time for a new solution.